Nature, Nurture, I am.

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 142021
 

Recently, I have been contemplating in the back of my mental space as to how much I am a product of my environment/experience and how much is a natural inclination.

Over the years, I have done a few character/personality tests as well as through tons of self-help resources reflected upon who I am when it comes to being able to label why I act/respond/behave the way that I do. No matter how much I might not want to be put into a box, life is easier when I have at least an outline of definition for who I am.

Recently, I did another test as part of a writing group for adoptees that I have joined. While the characteristics listed at the top and bottom of my list were not overly surprising, I considered again my contemplation of nature vs. nurture in my development as a human being and whether or not I want to change the labels, especially as a writer.

Since the time of my first memories, I have been an organizer. I remember putting toys away exactly as I found them or being able to remember just how pieces of something went so that I could put it back together again as they were. However, I am not certain if this is a naturally developed skill or one that I developed as a coping mechanism. Was I already naturally inclined to understand the organization and mechanics of things or did it develop as a way to control what I could of my life? Did my A-mom’s own tendency for being organized enhance what was already in me or confirm my need for it?

My eternal love for a schedule and routine can be clearly shown as a result of not being able to have any control or stability in my early childhood years. Thus, as an adult I learned that it was also a strength for success (however that is defined) and so I nurtured it further. But, was I naturally inclined anyway?

In Japanese culture, they have a belief that your personality is related to your blood type. This has spread to the West along with the idea of eating according to a blood type. If I follow this line of thinking, then the description for my blood type B+ would suggest that I am as I am based on nature.

Yet, upon my recent reflection of the top 5 character strengths according to the VIA Institute on Character, I feel that some points must be because of my early adoption experience.

Still, the truth is that people change and develop over time through both their natural tendencies and also their environment/experiences. So, my conclusion is that it’s probably both and, really, it doesn’t matter that much. More, it is a curiosity. Also, even more importantly, I have the power (control) to change whatever I want. So, if I want to move my least strong of 24 traits up on the list to a higher position, then all I have to do is train myself to be a bit more humorous! 😛

~T 😀

Europe Phase Complete – Benvenuto a casa nostra!

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Oct 102021
 

Well, we moved to Europe just under a year ago (14th is one year!) with a plan to settle in France. We didn’t quite follow our original plan as M thought it would be a good idea for me to see the eastern part of the country before we decided to buy and settle closer to Spain and the Atlantic, but still on the Mediterranean coastline.

Any thoughts of moving that direction were soon foiled when I started to make friends with whom I connected quickly, which is most definitely not something I usually do. Still, we did explore areas and even drove cross country just to give it another viewing. However, we are fairly easily pleased by location as we don’t have a lot of specific requirements other than to be somewhat close to the sea, not be living with neighbors too close to us, and close enough to a town to get the things that we need, but enjoy visiting for a cafe or meal out.

Then, came the Italian idea. I have yet to complete my posts on the Europe Phase II saga, but – SPOILER ALERT – we have found our dream house!

Although this shall now be a bit out of order in events/process, I wanted to share where we are now. The details on how it all came to be will come in a more focused post on that, but for now, here are some pics and a brief description of our new abode.

Description

Located in the province of Umbria, near a town called Orvieto, we are renting-to-buy (over five months) a country farm house originally built around ruins from 1200 A.D. The house size is about 350 sqm (sorry Americans, I don’t know the conversion offhand, but it’s BIG). There are seven rooms to use as bedrooms, office space, TV lounge, etc. There is an open plan living and dining room with an entry area. The kitchen is open on the ground floor connecting to the open plan space. Upstairs are four of the rooms with two bathrooms and one ensuite bathroom and walk-in closet area. The surrounding land totals 10 hectares (approx. 25 acres) of which probably two acres is manicured with a pool. The rest of the land has olive trees, fruit trees, and open fields at the moment for us to decide what to do with it.

Just a few pics of our new estate

Visitors are already making plans to see us and we hope to have many more as our doors are always open!!!

Benvenuto a casa nostra – Welcome to our home!

~T 😀

The Things I’ll Miss…

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Oct 052020
 

We are in single digit days left in Tokyo for this chapter. Who would have thought that I’d be living in and out of Japan four times since 1997? Who would have thought that I’d find the place that I swore I’d never return to after my first visit more like home than either my birth or adopted countries?

This time was definitely the best time I had and I am not leaving to escape nor with a sour taste in my mouth as previous times have been.

Thanks to being with Matt, living near my BFF, getting a job that I was familiar with and good at, and having perspective after living in a very different country in comparison, I could appreciate much more this time around than the previous times.

So, as I try to make time to positively reflect, I thought I’d summarize the things that I’ll actually miss.

1. My BFF and her family: Of course, I know I’ll be back for visits, but it was nice to have another chance to live near each other, to watch my godson grow into a young adult, to connect more with her husband, and to make more memories together.

2. My new friends and their families: I didn’t expect to really make friends as I’m not that good at it, but thanks to BFF connections and making a little effort both in and out of work, I did make some good friends (y’all know who you are!). I’ll carry the laughs and shared experiences as precious memories that added to what made this chapter in Japan the best of my previous years here.

3. Seasonal food: No other country does seasonal food like Japan (or at least none that I know yet). I love to eat, but I have always been a bit picky about Japanese food. However, knowing that I can get different fruit by the season or eat nabe in winter is somehow very comforting. I used to miss particular dishes, but this time I think I will miss the entire season of food.

4. Customer service: This is something I have always missed whenever I leave because there is nothing like the Japanese customer service. Some people dislike it because it is superficial and sometimes those who help state the obvious, but there is comfort in knowing that everyone gives their best to help as much as they can. Over time, one can understand that the stating of the obvious is their way of saying “I don’t know” because they can’t say it directly. 😉

5. Shinkawa: The river, or rather the man-made canal, that runs by our house has been my happy place when I needed to stretch my legs or feel a sense of nature. Keeping track of the ducklings, turtles, fish and flora of the riverside has really brought me peace of mind.

While there are other things that I will surely miss, these are the ones that are at the top of the list. I know they are somewhat different than what I thought I would miss the previous times I have left; but age changes perspective.

I have learned not to say good-bye anymore as I know that I will be back for visits and can still appreciate some of these things when I visit again. So, with that au revoir Japan, until next time….

~T 😀

Change in the Air

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 012020
 

As if a switch was turned the summer temperatures dropped 🌤 , humidity drifted away 🌬 , and leaves began to fall off the trees 🍃. Welcome to autumn.

Not to be outdone by the natural changes, we have our own seasonal movement happening. In 13 days, we will be on a plane to France 🛫🇫🇷. Assuming no major obstacles (knock on wood 🤞🏽) keep us from getting on the flight with the cats, we will begin the next phase of our lives near the Mediterranean Sea.

WHY ARE YOU MOVING TO FRANCE?

Many people have asked us this and, recently, my mother wanted to clarify to be able to explain to people this seemingly sudden move. After all, it feels as if we just got ourselves settled in Japan.

Well, two words explain in short: Brexit and COVID19.

FIRST, WHY FRANCE?

France has been our “next phase” (aka retirement) destination. We don’t say ‘retire’ because that suggests that we won’t be doing anything productive, but neither of us are likely to pass the days away leisurely – or at least, we can’t imagine that yet.

However, M has always wanted to have a vineyard 🍇 ➡️🍷and some land to putter around on in the French countryside. We have talked off and on about having a larger place to offer yoga retreats or conference centers or some kind of service-oriented type side business.

Either way, I fell in love 🥰 with the area when I visited in 2015 and agreed that it was somewhere I could happily spend the next phase of my life in. Despite my general dislike for the French language 🤦🏽‍♀️😂, I started to study it via the Duolingo app so that I would not be completely lost someday in the future when we moved there.

Besides, France is a great spot to launch from for travel as I have not done that much traveling through Europe as I always knew I wanted to see it when I could afford to enjoy it and not experience it like the typical backpacker. 🤷🏽‍♀️😇

NEXT, BREXIT:

Back in 2016, when the wheels of cray cray began to spin globally, we did not know what the effects of Brexit would be in a practical sense. It seemed for a while as if nothing would change, but then finally dates were set and actions were taken to declare that after December 31, 2020 British citizens would no longer be treated as EU citizens in France.

When we heard this, we began conversations around going sooner than later. However, at the beginning, we weren’t necessarily rushing to go as M pointed out that we could still move there, we’d just have to do more paperwork.

THEN, THERE WAS COVID19 –

The world went into this surreal state with no one really knowing that it was going to continue to an unknown future date. With the enforced and encouraged social distancing measures that have led to us both being able to work from home using video-calling programs and online systems, we realized that we could be doing this in our own open space, poolside, without neighbors within arms reach outside the windows, and just a train ride or car’s drive away from getting away from the ‘mundane’ things more freely (and cheaply).

OTHER DRAWS TO HAPPINESS:

Now, don’t get me wrong. Some of this is possible in Japan, and we have thoroughly enjoyed living here (haven’t left yet!). I admit that this time I have had the best time of all my stays here because I have been able to see it through new eyes.

However, it felt like this was the right timing and it all feels right. Japan was never meant to be for forever, though we did think that it was going to be for a bit longer than it’s turned out to be.

It’s just that we are both ready to live in more familiar lands where the culture and mindset are slightly more Western than we have been in since we met. There are seemingly small things like language barriers, cultural clouds, and a sense of transience that we face regularly here that will still be experienced in Europe, but at a much smaller scale.

We are looking forward to visiting the local boulangerie 🥖🥐, making friends that we can invest time and energy into 🥂🍻 knowing that we will be around for a while, taking side trips to neighboring countries 🚙🚆, and putting down some real roots together. 👩‍❤️‍👨.

So, together, we head off to a new phase and start the next part of the adventure of our lives. We are excited and I’ll be, hopefully, posting more regularly as I’ll finally be focusing on writing more and being the free-spirit I know I was always meant to be! 😝

~T 😀

Retreating

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Nov 092018
 

When the sun and moon align, people gather together to view the phenomenon with the promise of each time being the ~est in our lifetimes. Yet, it is this equilibrium and balance that awes us and, despite all the fanfare and build up, lasts mere moments.

Our life experiences are similar. Though we do not always see the build up or understand the fanfare (aka drama) that we go through, we do live for those mere moments. Yet, there are also times when our focus is so much on the build up and drama that we miss the brief moment that it was all meant for. It is only when we have the luxury of time and reflection that we sometimes find light in the shadows.

In 2017, I had high hopes for life and was on a path that I thought was taking me to a better version of myself and my life. In fact, contrary to my usual avoidance in making New Year’s Resolutions, I set out quite a list of them for that year. Unfortunately, other than managing to finish my RYT500 yoga teacher training, I did very little in terms of the goals I had laid out. (Lesson being I’m probably not going to do that again! 😛 )

However, with somewhat disbelief that nearly two years have passed since our lives were quite different from now, I have been given the luxury of time and reflection to see the light in the shadows of those darker days when it seemed that there was no way out.

When we moved to Japan again, I took some time away from the world of yoga and mindful meditation. I didn’t have time to focus any energy on that as we had to go into survival and rebuilding mode. It was what was needed at the time, and still is to some degree for the foreseeable future. Still, as the Universe and God continue to bless us, some potential possibilities were building up to the forefront of reality.

In an early conversation about possibly getting to the point in our life to again think about traveling or taking some time to decompress at a retreat, my BFF mentioned that she follows someone on Instagram who hosts yoga and meditation retreats in Japan. I took note for later, as we were nowhere near a place to be considering such a thing seriously. Then, proving that the Universe knows, she forwarded me an article that came out interviewing the host of the retreats with more details about it. I again saved it for a later date since the timing was in the summer and we were just starting to touch our feet to the ground again.

Over the months, with the help of some secret-ing, we avoided attracting too much drama and instead focused on the alignment of our lives in all areas, as much as possible. Through this, the Universe and God conspired together to align timing and funding; thus, creating the opportunity to be able to attend the Dairyuji Yoga and Mindfulness Retreat in the very local city of Oga located in Akita Prefecture. 

Literally everything aligned.

I was able to leave work early and take the five-hour trip from Tokyo to Oga for a meaningful and refreshing weekend.

Meeting G & K, our hosts, was like reading an inspirational book that reignites a flame of hope in humanity. Their kindness and openness was as fresh as the country ocean air surrounding the Oga peninsula. 

For a yoga/mindfulness retreat, this one was an easy way to get my feet wet as a first-time experience. I don’t know about others, but my image of some retreats is more hard-core yoga practice and inescapable focus on being “spiritual”. 

Perhaps because of the environment of the temple itself, or perhaps because of the people themselves, there wasn’t a need to be pushy. If anything, they could perhaps have been pushier with a bit more yoga and meditation time. However, if the aim was to provide a relaxing retreat environment with an opportunity to explore mindfulness and try some yoga, this was a success.

As an added bonus, I made connections with people whom I may never see again, and yet I feel were purposeful interactions drawing a nearly full circle from past to present. I think I’ve said before that I believe all connections have meaning and though I may not fully know what they are now, I hold them close in anticipation for a later revelation.

So, I will let the pictures speak for themselves as I consider the next possible, perhaps more hard-core, retreat in the future! 😉

Dairyuji-Oga Yoga/Meditation Retreat_Oct2018 / Google Photos

~T 😀

 

The Self: Part 2

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 242018
 

This week has been #singlelife for me as M is away visiting family. It’s the first time in almost two years that we have been apart for so long or without stress related to our time apart.

Even though I obviously miss him, it has been a fruitful time for me. 

For a while now, maybe a couple of years, I have felt less like myself despite how I may have appeared on the outside. There are a number of factors that probably contributed to this:  quitting my job (something I really wanted/needed to do), massive financial struggles, changes in lifestyle, etc. etc. During this period of time, I had to depend on other people like I have never ever done before and it is something that I am NOT very good at doing. 

With an early childhood like mine, where there was no one to depend on unconditionally, I naturally learned to rely only on myself for that which I held dear. I shared nothing of value to me with anyone – even with those whom I had grown to trust and love. 

The truth is that I would dare to say that a very small number of people in my life truly know me:  know what makes me cry (because emotions are sacred to me), know what my deepest thoughts about the world are, know what is actually important to me when it comes to this life and those I love, or know my expressions in all that I value. 

As a young idealistic youth, I thought that if people really wanted to know me, they would make the effort to discover these things about me and if they didn’t, well, I was just fine on my own without them. However, recent experiences have shown me that the opaque walls I built around me to give others the impression that they knew me, but they didn’t, aren’t necessary anymore – if they ever really were. 

These days, I return to some of my core values and beliefs.

I have always valued connections – whether positive or negative. People and experiences are what enrich our lives. When we close ourselves off by demanding that meet ups with others be on our terms or not at all, we only close the door to our own enrichment. When we say that we just need ‘me-time’ or that we cannot be ‘arsed’ to make an effort, we are really letting ourselves down.  When we make excuses of time, money, energy or whatever millions of other reasons we can find to justify why our self-centeredness is more important and more meaningful than opening the doors to others, then we are only limiting ourselves.

We, as individuals, can do anything. We can see the world. We can meet anyone. We can have more money than we need. We can have unlimited amounts of energy. We can make a contribution to society no matter how great or small.

How? By letting go of the self. Nothing and no one is ever alone. If we feel that we are, we only have ourselves to blame for our pushing away, for our blindness, for our lack of acceptance, for our lack of reaching out and asking.

If I had not valued the connections I had made over the years, there is no doubt in my mind the past few years would have been a million times worse than they were. Because of those connections (you know who you are), I am able to look back now with a smile and a sardonic laugh. I look back with extreme amounts of gratitude and love. I look back with limitless amounts of appreciation for the willingness to drop everything or give unconditionally to help me when asked, knowing that it was not an easy thing for me to do. There is no way that I can ever express enough how their SELFlessness helped me when I needed it the most.

In yoga philosophy, we study about the ego. We contemplate how the ego, or self, keeps us from true harmony in our lives – inside and out. While I never thought of myself as overly egotistical, I was definitely all about mySELF:  self-confidence, self-reliance, self-care, self-help, and the list could go on. I had bought in to the idea that truly taking care of number one could only be done by yours truly. 

Yet, as I discover the falsity of this way of thinking, I unexpectedly find myself more content and at peace. 

Of course, this does not mean that I retract my claim of ‘not liking people’. 😛 It just means that, despite the irony of having time on my own to come to this realization, it is not always in my best interest – or any of ours – to focus so much on myself. Instead, I hope to restart embracing more connections and gaining experiences that enrich not only my life, but also help me to make whatever contribution I can back to others and the world in whatever way the Universe and God have planned for me.

~T 😀

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