Our first proper renovation in the house has begun.
The kitchen is an interesting place in my history. For me, it has very mixed emotions. My unhappiest and happiest memories are in a kitchen.
Before my family, I would be punished in the kitchen. The grand event that got me moved out of my second adoptive family occurred in the kitchen. When I used to get panic attacks as an adult, they were always in the kitchen. My displeasure of cooking likely stems from these buried traumatic moments of early childhood.
However, I have very happy memories sitting at the island watching my mom or dad cook. We would have conversations as I sat watching. Or, I would take over the oven watch when Mom had finished making the dough for cookies. Dad reviewed the art of seeing how fractions were applied in life by asking me to convert recipes as he made muffins or cut vegetables.
Later in life I would be curious as parties would always somehow migrate to the small space of a kitchen. No matter how much space was available to sit on a balcony, in a living room, or elsewhere, one could always find a number of people stuffed closely in a smaller kitchen space conversing happily. The kitchen seems to be the heart of a home.
Thanks to my happy memories, I have slowly been able to overcome my preference to avoid it – though I still don’t cook much because M does! I have always preferred baking to cooking as well. Anyway, when we bought our house, we knew that the kitchen would eventually need updating. For M, it is absolutely the heart of a home. He loves to hold counsel, entertain, and shoot the breeze while we prepares a meal. So, we wanted to make it a modern and happy space where we could hold smaller dinner parties with that quaint at-home feel.
Although we had some challenges with finding the right company to work with us in a timely manner, we finally have some progress. In less than an hour this morning, they came and took away the “old” kitchen. The “new” one comes on Thursday. In the meantime, the tiles will be removed, the electrician will come to redo wiring and prepare the space for everything to work well beforehand. Then, all being well, I shall post on Friday with pics of the finished space! Stay tuned!
The thing about being an expat is that there are cycles of culture shock that are forgotten about when living abroad for so long. We start to take think that just because we are experienced at the way of life we are exempt from the ups and downs of culture shock. Well, a rude awakening has come with a rather unexpected dip lately.
Not having a grasp of the language, and therefore, the culture, makes it hard to reconcile the frustrations felt around time, commitments, and expectations. Recently, this has become more an “issue” than before, though I know it is not that anything in our surroundings that have changed – it really us not them. 🤪
M is especially struggling as he lacks patience in many ways with many things. Sometimes he can be very very patient, but not when it comes to agreements that involve business or monetary transactions. 😬
So, it seems the Italian way is to charm you into agreeing to do a deal with them whether it is renovations for a kitchen, work on a car, or get permissions for structural changes on your property. The initial steps are very active so that one gets lulled into thinking action will be swift.
Then, happily everyone agrees with a statement, naively taken as a promise, of timeframes and what to expect. Hands are shaken. Smiles are shown. Friendly exchange considered to be a sign of satisfaction.
Yet… the time comes and goes… reality sinks in. The phrase “It’s Italy” with a 🤷🏽♀️ shrug of the shoulders is expressed as a way to soften the blow – it’s gonna require patience and more time than said out loud. 🤦🏽♀️
The cycle repeats itself with EVERY. SINGLE. THING.
We booked our kitchen to be installed this month back in April or May. We have yet to hear anything. Even our so-called friendly lawyer who introduced us to a new company has yet to follow through. We spend some days waiting around for an answer or update to no avail. Our cars have been in and out of the mechanics for a week or three weeks when it is a day-job at most.
It’s true, some of these things we could do ourselves, but we choose not to. Most we cannot. It’s also true that we accept and acknowledge that there is a “foreigner tax” on prices and even dealings/negotiations that require patience in the learning curve. However, the main fact is that Italians just work when it is convenient for them to do so regardless of who the client might be. The plus is that we realize we should not take it personally, but that doesn’t make it better time-wise when we want to get things done.
So, we wait. M makes calls, leaves messages, threatens to take business elsewhere and repeats his own cycle of frustration and angst. I wait. I ask unhelpful questions 😜 and nag because I can.
Probably, all of it will get done in time – just on Italian time. 🙄😅
A rather unappreciated and misunderstood (in my opinion) dish in the Italian cuisine is gnocchi – pronounced “nio-key” or “no-key” as the “g” is silent. It is a perfect combination of potato and pasta with whatever kind of sauce you like. This one was a duck ragu that was yummy, though I was helping M finish it as I devoured my own of saffron and sausage.
There are many hidden aspects of local culture here that are easy to miss as an expat. We discovered one of them last night – The Gnocchi Festival of Santa Maria di Monteleone d’Orvieto (La Sagra degli Gnocchi di Santa Maria di Monteleone di Orvieto) – one of many throughout the summer in the region. This one is explained below as a translated version of one site.
More amazing than the gnocchi and turnout even amongst locals was the dancing. We didn’t know until we were leaving that there was actually two live bands playing – the latter targeted more for the youth. The one we listened to, observed, joined in on was a kind of traditional genre that allowed for the dancing!
When I say dancing, I mean partner dance, line dance, and combinations of other more formalized dancing. It was incredible to see people know so many variations of dances and joining in! There wasn’t a shyness really, if they knew it and could move, they were on the dance floor. It was so great.
I’m now keen to learn some of the line dances and even get someone to take me on as a partner for the ones that look something similar to a Texas two-step.
It was a ton of fun and I’m looking forward to experiencing more of these cultural moments!
Matt has always wanted to go to Venice and I have always wanted to see a proper Carnival experience, so our always wantings merged into the perfect time to go.
Away we went for the weekend to see the last weekend of a two-week period where people dress up in various styles of costume and wear masks wandering around the city. Some had traveled near and far to join in the festivities, either as a spectator or a participant.
The costumes and masks were both creepy and amazing. Here are some of my favs:
While there isn’t that much to do in the city of Venice itself, we wandered the square, at good food, did the gondola ride and had an overall wonderful time!
Since this year is my year of writing on my novel, M had suggested that I go on an “intentional” writing retreat somewhere, but the cost of them and the forced interaction with others did not appeal to me as I want to write according to my methods and in my way – real surprise, huh? 😛
So, instead I decided to schedule regular mini writing retreats away from home.
My first one was last week. I booked myself into a hotel near Rome Termini Station since the train from our town of Orvieto goes there in under 90 minutes and is cheap. Also, I figured that I could do some exploring of the city a bit as we mostly hit the touristy places whenever we visit.
First of all, I absolutely came to appreciate Rome in a completely different light. It reminded me so much of NYC, but with a deeper history and richer culture. However, there were still grungy, dirty parts that are characteristic to a big capital city. Also, I discovered that on the whole it is not that large of a city despite how it might seem. One can walk from one end to the other in about an hour.
In terms of writing, I managed to be very productive in and out of cafes during the days and in my hotel room from late afternoon on. I found an easy rhythm after the first day and the time went rather quickly.
Something surprising about my writing method is that it seems to be the only area in which I am rather loathe to plan! 😉 Still, I have gone back to make a bit of an outline as per the methodology of a Book Writing group I have joined.
In any case, I got my characters created, storylines plotted, intersections and themes drafted. Plus, I got quite a few words written as I need to be sure to also write amidst my planning or I will get caught up in the organizing without growing the whole point of it all – the novel!
On top of the writing, I also discovered motivation to start a few other writing channels. A while back, I had created Substack and Medium accounts, which are new-ish platforms for writers and creatives. It’s sort of an upgraded version of tumbler, I guess but with a bit more method to the madness. For the most part, I had decided to just let them be for a while, but after a day of my mini retreat, I realized that there was a way I could use these platforms. I have chosen Medium over Substack for now (I can go into the reasons another time), and this has instigated a revamping of my writer Instagram and blog accounts. Those spaces will now be used to focus solely on my writing process with a running theme of finding and reviewing cafes to accomplish this in. I also hope to share a bit of my novel writing journey as a way of inspiring, supporting, and encouraging others to get whatever stories they may have in their heads out into the world.
So, I am intentionally not sharing the names of those accounts here. I imagine if you’ve been following me long enough or know me for some time, you’ll be able to figure it out. If you are still stumped, then feel free to shoot me an email or on social media somewhere to find out. 😉
A consequence of the pandemic is a need for businesses to adjust their ways to gain the highest returns for recuperating their losses over the past few years.
There are changes that will likely never go away such as using QR codes rather than spending money on printed menus that will eventually have to be updated. However, this forces everyone to use their mobile devices as soon as they sit down at a table. Upon first glance at such a place, you can see people not talking but instead scrolling on their phones.
While some people will make their dining/drinking choices and put their phones down, many these days will continue to play with their phones to make a post on social media or chat with others who are not physically with them. The common misnomer of multitasking conversation virtually and in real life will likely be the normal activity one might see from now on.
Despite this unavoidable social development, we have yet to see the use of laptops in a similar vein as a phone. The pulling out of a laptop at a restaurant or cafe suggests that one might be planning to overstay their welcome in a way that a constant use of a mobile phone might not.
In fact, a large family can take up two tables and eat slowly while passing time on their phones for more than an hour eating only dessert and a few drinks, but one person cannot sit at a table with a laptop open even for a short time, despite possibly having a meal and multiple drinks.
I find it a strange contradiction and mixed view of device-use these days.
For the food and beverage industry, it seems that what should matter is how much one orders and spends rather than laying down arbitrary rules about what devices are allowed or not. Even implementing table time limits, like in Japan, would be more acceptable and fair to the customer – especially if there is a table charge, which in essence should allow the customer to use that space as they like since it is being paid for. I believe most people will happily respect a time limit, but it leaves a sour taste in one’s mouth when the venue dictates how a customer can use the table space because of a misconception of a laptop over a mobile phone.
This post comes out of a recent visit to a cafe in Rome where I had researched and read was an excellent place for remote workers to enjoy a delicious cup of coffee and also feel comfortable spending a little bit of time at. After walking about a half hour out of the main part of the city to find this place, I found the ambience to be as hoped and after an initial sitting down, ordering, and looking around I prepared to do a little bit of writing on my laptop.
At first, a server came up to me to say that I couldn’t really use my laptop at a table and that if I wanted to stay a while that I could sit in another section that faced a wall and was dark, plus another customer had already spread herself out there. Still, this first server said, I might be okay for a maximum of a half hour. A half hour was plenty of time for me to enjoy my cup of coffee, write a bit, and then move on. I had no issue with this time limit and set my watch for 20 minutes so that I wasn’t going over the allotted time.
Well, less than a minute later a different server came to me and more forcefully and less politely stated that I could not use my laptop AT ALL and instead, I had to move to the dark recess area if I wanted to use my device. At this point, I had only just received my coffee. I responded politely and put away my laptop. As I looked around, I noticed the large family next to me with only dessert plates and coffee cups at two tables. I saw another table where both people sitting were just staring at their phones. Another table where the coffee cups were empty, but the ladies continued to chat away. I looked outside to see plenty of empty tables where I considered asking if I could use with my laptop. However, the somewhat hostile air of the servers rubbed me wrong as they could have suggested this to me anyway.
In the end, I drank my cup of coffee quickly and got up to pay changing my plan to have a meal and more drinks. The cashier (maybe owner) asked “Was everything OK?” to which I mumbled “I guess.”
As I walked around the city pondering what happened and finding another place that didn’t seem to mind my laptop, I stewed. It wasn’t my fault and yet they made me feel as if it was. They must surely know that other websites are advertising – intentionally or not – that they are a cafe to visit for remote work and good coffee. As I brewed, I looked up Google maps reviews as no other sites would be as current, as I learned. Sure enough, there were a couple of other reviews with the very same disgruntled point. Thus, I decided to add my voice to this as they should know that people go out of their way to visit for the purpose of being able to sit and do some work, because being in Italy, there are a number of places where one can get a delicious cup of coffee.
Upon submitting my review, it wasn’t long before they replied in a rather unprofessional and rude way. I wish I had taken a screenshot of the original reply as they since edited it to be less aggressive in their response. It only made me laugh because their response only hurts them as a representation of their attitude toward customers not liking something.
Obviously, I understand that places like that need to make money. However, I also know that coffee has a rather high profit margin especially if they are roasting their own coffee and selling them. I also understand that they want to create a certain atmosphere that isn’t a remote working space. Again, there were so many empty tables outside that they could have offered that as a temporary option and still given me a time limit that I would have happily complied with in return for a customer-oriented solution.
Instead, they created someone who will actively make sure to not recommend them and find other places that are just as buzzing and delicious with their coffee options. I’m sure that they will have plenty of customers and I am just one person. Still, I hope that they will, at minimum, actually make it clear that it is not for remote workers despite what other websites have shared – and are responsible for getting people like me to visit in the first place – and reconsider how they treat people who are not aware of their non-laptop policy, but pro mobile phone one.
In this way, there won’t be any mixed signals and any negative repercussions for them and their customers can be avoided.
It’s my favorite holiday to celebrate 🎉. Ever since I found myself settled in a home and the first time we all gathered as a family for the holiday, I have associated Thanksgiving with food, laughter, and community.
I remember that we went around the table saying something we were thankful for and I made everyone laugh when I said “I’m thankful for a family”. I suppose that it took the concept of having family and being able to sit around a table together to a different level. 🥰
As an adult, I haven’t spent many Thanksgivings with my family since I have chosen to live abroad, but I have always made it a point to celebrate with friends and others around me even if they aren’t American. There is something special about putting in the time and effort to bring people together, break bread, and enjoy each other’s company.
While it is no secret that I am no lover of the kitchen as I tend to avoid having to stand in front of the stove for too long, Thanksgiving is one of two exceptions a year. Usually, it takes me about two days of preparations, but I take my time and enjoy the process. M has even declared that he hasn’t had any better turkey than mine because I talk to it, give it lots of oil, butter, and orange juice baths, and encourage it while in the oven with regular basting sessions. 😀
Last year, we didn’t really do a proper celebration as I didn’t know how to get a turkey in France and we were in lockdown, so friends couldn’t come over anyway. It was a depressing day for me since I love to make the day special.
So, this year, we made up for it! First, we had to move our 4 meter table 🙃 inside with the help of the table-maker and his wife, who also joined us in making sure the celebrations were in full swing. We had this piece built for our outdoor terrace, but as we are also waiting on the indoor dining table, we decided to bring this indoors due to colder weather, which fit beautifully in our big dining/living room space. Then, I gathered foliage from our new property to put in our centerpieces, which turned out lovely, if I do say so myself. After that, it was time to set the table with our new dishes from a Bolsena pottery shop.
In the kitchen, I made cream of mushroom soup from scratch to go with the broccoli-cauliflower 🥦 bake dish. We ate soup for two meals as well since I didn’t have much time to stop and eat. 😉 Then, I made cornbread for the stuffing. I attempted to make bread rolls, but the yeast and flour situation is still something I need to figure out with more practice, so those were a big fail, but I chose to ignore them! 😜 The end of the first day preparations were the two pies: apple and pumpkin 🥧. Some years, I make pumpkin filling from scratch, but as I was able to source all the American ingredients this year, I did it the proper USA 🇺🇸 way! I also tried a new Apple Pie recipe, which turned out really tasty; if only I could remember which one it is now….🤔
The second day started with getting the stuffing ready to go for the turkey 🦃. While it was cooking, I rinsed the big bird and thanked it for its service. On a side note, I managed to pre-order, converse and pick up this amazing turkey from a local butcher in Italian! Go me!! 💪🏽Anyway, the first bath is always an olive oil rub and then it sits for a bit as I prepare bath two. The second bath is usually a butter bath with tons of spices – thyme, rosemary, sage, salt, pepper, paprika, etc. I sometimes use a toothpick to poke little holes through the skin so all that goodness gets soaked in and under. Again, it sits to soak it up. Bath three is usually an orange one – fresh orange squeezed all over. A final drizzle of oil again usually rounds it off before adding the stuffing to prepare for the oven. I baste the turkey every 30 to 40 minutes. The first couple of rounds usually is with olive oil as not much juice is out yet, but then I use the juice once there is some. Each basting comes with positive words of encouragement to cook well and be tasty. 😉
In Japan, we borrowed my BFF’s turkey roaster oven, which is an amazing invention. I looked for one here, but it seems to be an American invention that doesn’t quite work with the electricity here. So, I tried to use the bags, but the turkey was too big for that. Thus, in the end, I made an aluminium foil casing, which worked pretty well. I have to say it was one of the moistest and best tasting turkeys we’ve had!
I also had mashed potatoes, cream corn, sides of pickles, olives and cranberry sauce, which are a must. We couldn’t find any sweet potatoes so skipped that since I don’t particularly love that dish anyway.
All in all, it was plenty of food, though not too much despite M’s initial assumptions. 🤪I have boiled down the turkey bones for broth and extra bits to make soup and pot pie later.
So, another successful Thanksgiving in the books. I don’t care that its origins are questionable and I dislike that people rename it Friendsgiving. There is no need to change something that is perfectly stated – giving thanks to all those in my life, near or far.
With our settling in to the new “forever” home, I have been having some internal struggles.
A home represents who one is both as individuals and as the whole unit of those who live in the shared space. Therefore, expressing my own style while combining that of M’s has challenges. To be fair, we do not drastically differ; and for the most part we are in agreement with the general ideal look of each room.
One major challenge is that our few belongings are still waiting to find space on a ship from Japan to Italy. Therefore, we cannot completely nest into the space because we do not want to completely duplicate or clash with what we already have. So, there’s a balancing act of being patient and also trying to fill the massive space that we want to leave our mark in.
However, there are two matters with which I am, particularly, struggling.
First, in our attempt to furnish the house, I am finding that I do not exactly like the Italian-style 😛 , and yet do not want to look like an Ikea showroom, even though I do like most of their products. So, I am considering how I can possibly paint or personalize pieces that we need (we have very few large pieces of furniture coming in our shipment). What I have to constantly remind myself is that this is our space for the foreseeable future, so there is no rush. Patience must be applied. 😛
The bigger issue that I am facing is accepting this is a long-term abode.
My first eight years of life had me moving around creating a sense of normal out of being somewhat nomadic. Despite being fairly stable in my family home from eight to 18, when I left for college, I always knew that I would not have a conventional life living nearby in a suburb or fulfilling my father’s dream of family dinners every Sunday.
While being an English language educator was not my dream profession, it did afford me the kind of lifestyle that I wanted. In my adult life, I have moved to a new living space every three or four years, even if I stayed in one country for lengthy periods of time.
By moving frequently, I was able to justify why I never nested. Many of my expat friends would be sure to put up pictures on the walls or do various small things to mark their new space as theirs. This was never me. It felt too permanent, too attached, too settled – too scary.
When M and I moved to Japan, we decided to break the cycle.
So, in our house, we half-heartedly put up pictures on the walls with thumbtacks. We never used anything that would make it feel permanent. Of course, we knew that we weren’t going to stay there for more than a few years; we always had a foot out of the door, so to speak. Still, we were temporarily content with our efforts. I felt that I was starting to take a step toward adulthood, stability and creating a ‘home’.
The past year has returned us to a very nomadic way of life as we moved about six times within a year trying to determine where we were going to put away our suitcases.
In that time, I found that I was ready for a more permanent space. However, I did make M promise that this didn’t mean that we were going to never travel again nor that we would stop having adventures together. He has promised and I’m holding him to it.
Still, at the moment, neither of us are overly eager to leave the space. There is a brightness to it. The energy vibrates with positivity and love. So, we both soak it up everyday. M went to Milan for a few days last week and said that he missed the house and land. I have yet to leave it for very long, but imagine I will feel similarly when I do. But, I have no problem with missing the space knowing that I can come back to it.
Although I always knew that I could go home to my family (and still can), it’s never felt like my space. Rather, I tend to feel like a visitor and focus on spending time with the people I cherish rather than reconnecting with the space itself. Part of that is probably because my parents must have a shared spirit in that they are on their fourth house since I left home 20-some years ago. 😉
So, all this is to say that I am enjoying the nesting process, but am working through some inner challenges in defining what is our home’s style and accepting this is our launching pad for, well in our minds right now, forever.
Well, we moved to Europe just under a year ago (14th is one year!) with a plan to settle in France. We didn’t quite follow our original plan as M thought it would be a good idea for me to see the eastern part of the country before we decided to buy and settle closer to Spain and the Atlantic, but still on the Mediterranean coastline.
Any thoughts of moving that direction were soon foiled when I started to make friends with whom I connected quickly, which is most definitely not something I usually do. Still, we did explore areas and even drove cross country just to give it another viewing. However, we are fairly easily pleased by location as we don’t have a lot of specific requirements other than to be somewhat close to the sea, not be living with neighbors too close to us, and close enough to a town to get the things that we need, but enjoy visiting for a cafe or meal out.
Then, came the Italian idea. I have yet to complete my posts on the Europe Phase II saga, but – SPOILER ALERT – we have found our dream house!
Although this shall now be a bit out of order in events/process, I wanted to share where we are now. The details on how it all came to be will come in a more focused post on that, but for now, here are some pics and a brief description of our new abode.
Description
Located in the province of Umbria, near a town called Orvieto, we are renting-to-buy (over five months) a country farm house originally built around ruins from 1200 A.D. The house size is about 350 sqm (sorry Americans, I don’t know the conversion offhand, but it’s BIG). There are seven rooms to use as bedrooms, office space, TV lounge, etc. There is an open plan living and dining room with an entry area. The kitchen is open on the ground floor connecting to the open plan space. Upstairs are four of the rooms with two bathrooms and one ensuite bathroom and walk-in closet area. The surrounding land totals 10 hectares (approx. 25 acres) of which probably two acres is manicured with a pool. The rest of the land has olive trees, fruit trees, and open fields at the moment for us to decide what to do with it.
Just a few pics of our new estate
Visitors are already making plans to see us and we hope to have many more as our doors are always open!!!
It was a weekend of luxury and action (two weekends ago now) to make our visions for a certain lifestyle of our own come to fruition. Don’t worry – it’s more about the potential than affording the reality for now… 😜
On top of that, it was a chance to get to know new people more as the layers of individuals can only be discovered through time spent together in conversation , breaking of bread 🍕and sharing of drinks. 🥂
Anyway, just a short post to share from our visit to the Almafi Coast (Sorrento area) and boat day to Capri. Pics below and other highlights on social media platforms. 😬
Always love home-made pizza and by a man named Luigi!
