The mood swings are real today and it’s not yet 10 am. ðŦĪ I didn’t post on Friday either because I couldn’t quite figure out what to write about or how to formulate my thoughts. So, this may just be a random post of ups and downs, ins and outs.
A friend is going in to surgery today for his prostate. Yesterday, we saw another friend who just had prostate surgery and is still recovering even after a month.
Although I was in for a very different reason, I find myself heavily empathizing with these folks who have to spend any time in a hospital, worry about surgery, and cope with recovery. It’s been just over a year now since I had my ankle drama and yet I still suffer from stiffness and a little fear of breaking it again. I can remember the days in the hospital, the near tears over the thought of another hospital meal, and the creeping despair that one day I might die alone in a room with no one knowing. Of course, the latter sounds overly dramatic, but the thoughts do run the gambit when stuck in unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and unsatisfying circumstances. ðŽ
In any case, some of my thoughts and energies are going towards them in hopes of swiftness and ease.
Then, there is the grey of today. The weekend was actually quite lovely with sun shining and warmth in the air. Yet, I still had little clouds lingering over me. ð One reason was the need to get out and away from the house.
Lately, M has been content to potter around the garden, planting vegetables and flowers, mowing the lawn and doing all things domestic outside. He did get me to plant a few things in pots that we moved around the patio, so that was my brief outdoor activity. However, I also pushed for getting into town for garden center shopping on Saturday and lunch in town on Sunday. We took the pups in for lunch for the first time in almost a year and they were little stars – no major barking or even pulling on the leads. Phew was that a relief! ð
Another reason was lasting triggers from childhood. My dad always wanted me to be outside. If it was sunny, it was expected that I would want to be outside. Yet, I never really did. I mean, I love the sunshine and being warm, but in the spring when it seems most get the fever, I just want to hide indoors. My nose itches, my eyes water, and so being out on a “beautiful spring day” equals misery unless it is in town with a cup of coffee or over a delicious meal – ha! ð
Of course, I shouldn’t let these things cast shadows. I am an adult now fully in control of my own actions and moods. Still, the mind is a mysterious control center that can surreptitiously push the spirit off balance. Then, before we are aware, our moods have fallen into a valley with only one way out – through it. ðŠð―
So, that is perhaps where I am. Fortunately, I have plenty to distract myself with in terms of work and other activities. I have managed to find some outlets for myself to get involved in, but more on that later.
With that, I feel better now. Thanks for reading me through the process! ðĪŠ
Until next time,
~T ðĨðâïļ
