Mar 102023
 
Pre-surgery

Well, two weeks later, it’s done.

I was gone from my room for over nine hours, and the docs said it took more than four hours to put my ankle back together through three insertion points. There was some talk of recreating ligaments and pulling of the skin, which explained the very uncomfortable pain I felt the next day.

However, two days later, I have yet to have any more pain medication and rocked my first crutches walk down the hallways. I imagine it is my determination to get home as soon as I can that is pushing me through.

The foot is still rather swollen – especially when it has been down a bit for a walk – and my blood pressure is low from lying on my back for 17 days, but there is hope on the horizon.

No specific dates or days can be given for recovery, but the next phase is a number of weeks with no weight-bearing activity. So, that means more time in bed, but in my own bed with a mix of sitting up, lowering the leg, and keeping it lifted, etc.

Overall, my spirits are good. I had one day straight after post-op when I questioned my sanity, but after a second day with less pain and doing nothing but watching, I felt motivated today to make more progress.

Will keep updated here on how things progress.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Mar 072023
 

Well, I did it! 🎉

Although I hadn’t expected this one to be my first book, I am not complaining. My dream of being a published author is now a reality, and it feels amazing!

Even though I’m not particularly a perfectionist, I do have doubts about how it will be received, but I start with a disclaimer that I know there is room for improvement. The main thing is that I actually started and completed a writing project for the first time – on my own. As in, no editor to push me forward.

The process was relatively smooth and with the help of a self-publishing company, it was easy enough to get it on Amazon. Right now, only the e-book is available, but the paper version is coming soon – probably this week.

Best of all, all profits go to me! 😅

So, I am now motivated to keep going with more in the series – it is meant to be a series. Also, I will keep working on my fiction book and other writing endeavors for publishing in magazines and the like.

Nothing like a little success to whet the appetite for more! Stay tuned!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Nov 062022
 

When we are above the clouds
The sun shines and the sea of white 
Rolls to eternity 

The soft pillows of fluff lay the ground
For the angels to roam and play 
It is a small piece of heaven that 
We can touch 

In a plane 
In our dreams

Inevitably we must descend 
The puffs stretch into wisps 
Then turbulence hits
As our view becomes blocked

We are blinded into a fog
No end can be seen 
We can only bounce around
Bumping along waiting for the eventual clearing 

Then we pass through 
Our fears of the unknown no longer legitimate 
For we continue to fly
Soaring toward our destination with relief
With excitement 

The clouds that were just below 
Are now above
Their cover is a promise
As the angels look down 
Like a blanket and lid of protection 

We continue on 
Leaving the clouds for 
Another day 

~T October 26, 2022

May 052022
 

Life just is – a wandering of this world
trying to discover what will unfurl.

Life just is – a string of experiences
some good, some bad, some open doors, others fences.

Life just is – a chance to learn
about ourselves, about others, about on what we should concern.

Life just is – but a brief moment
and of what is beyond us, we only have a hint.

Life just is – the here, the now
and each day, I simply try to survive it somehow.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Feb 242022
 

Since this year is my year of writing on my novel, M had suggested that I go on an “intentional” writing retreat somewhere, but the cost of them and the forced interaction with others did not appeal to me as I want to write according to my methods and in my way – real surprise, huh? 😛

So, instead I decided to schedule regular mini writing retreats away from home.

My first one was last week. I booked myself into a hotel near Rome Termini Station since the train from our town of Orvieto goes there in under 90 minutes and is cheap. Also, I figured that I could do some exploring of the city a bit as we mostly hit the touristy places whenever we visit.

First of all, I absolutely came to appreciate Rome in a completely different light. It reminded me so much of NYC, but with a deeper history and richer culture. However, there were still grungy, dirty parts that are characteristic to a big capital city. Also, I discovered that on the whole it is not that large of a city despite how it might seem. One can walk from one end to the other in about an hour.

In terms of writing, I managed to be very productive in and out of cafes during the days and in my hotel room from late afternoon on. I found an easy rhythm after the first day and the time went rather quickly.

Something surprising about my writing method is that it seems to be the only area in which I am rather loathe to plan! 😉 Still, I have gone back to make a bit of an outline as per the methodology of a Book Writing group I have joined.

In any case, I got my characters created, storylines plotted, intersections and themes drafted. Plus, I got quite a few words written as I need to be sure to also write amidst my planning or I will get caught up in the organizing without growing the whole point of it all – the novel!

On top of the writing, I also discovered motivation to start a few other writing channels. A while back, I had created Substack and Medium accounts, which are new-ish platforms for writers and creatives. It’s sort of an upgraded version of tumbler, I guess but with a bit more method to the madness. For the most part, I had decided to just let them be for a while, but after a day of my mini retreat, I realized that there was a way I could use these platforms. I have chosen Medium over Substack for now (I can go into the reasons another time), and this has instigated a revamping of my writer Instagram and blog accounts. Those spaces will now be used to focus solely on my writing process with a running theme of finding and reviewing cafes to accomplish this in. I also hope to share a bit of my novel writing journey as a way of inspiring, supporting, and encouraging others to get whatever stories they may have in their heads out into the world.

So, I am intentionally not sharing the names of those accounts here. I imagine if you’ve been following me long enough or know me for some time, you’ll be able to figure it out. If you are still stumped, then feel free to shoot me an email or on social media somewhere to find out. 😉

~T 😀

Aug 032021
 
  • Happiness is the waking of the dawn
    when the birds sing their song
    to catch their bugs and worms,
    when the air is fresh and there are no terms
    when it’s quiet before human activity begins
    to overwhelm and override their sins.
  • Happiness is that feeling of familiarity
    seeing the world with comfortable clarity,
    knowing what’s around the bend
    and hoping the peace never ends.
  • Happiness today is the sense of release,
    the built up stress can temporarily cease!
  • Happiness today is the sun shining through the wind,
    sitting in the warmth of its rays welcoming whatever the universe will send.
  • Happiness today is the yoga mat
    where one can be sat
    focusing on breath, body, and alignment
    with the mind, soul, and physical to find a balance and be content.
  • Happiness today is being present in the here and now
    without worrying about the what, when, or how;
    breathing in, breathing out; I am here, now.
  • Happiness today is my morning cup of coffee
    what lies inside and ahead we cannot yet see,
    but that is what makes the adventure;
    creating our greatest future.
  • Happiness today is companionship and love
    in the form of soulmates and kindred spirits sent from above;
    through laughter, food, and wine
    we shall enjoy the passing of time.
  • Happiness today comes with a purr,
    the warmth and softness of their fur;
    patiently waiting for me to wake
    for the food they are dying to partake.
  • Happiness today is in the rain coming down
    as it means a period indoors aside from a quick trip to town;
    cats are napping thanks to the grey,
    but even that makes me smile, I have to say!
  • Happiness today is the cup of English Breakfast tea
    made as part of the morning routine for my husband and me;
    it’s the compromise of our blending – English and American –
    first there’s tea, then coffee, sometimes made by me and sometimes by my man.
  • Happiness today is the adrenaline rushing
    in preparation for nearly 200 people watching
    an online event for adoptees,
    who were all sent overseas.
  • Happiness today is the feeling of making a difference
    when another being can sense
    they are not alone,
    but through their tribe, are at home.
  • Happiness today is the color green
    and the gift of all that can be seen;
    sometimes we miss or take for granted
    a view that may be slanted
    on the spectrum toward grey,
    but there are so many colors in a day.
  • Happiness today is feeling awake
    besides getting up early by mistake,
    with a restless night’s sleep,
    a nap in the afternoon sun will be no leap.

~T 😀

May 272021
 

Below is a piece that I wrote in a short three-week “Adoption Writing Experience” class that I have been taking. Today is sadly the last of the series, but it has made me fall in love with writing again. So, thank you, 🙏🏽AP! 💞

“Within two days on my own, I feel as if I’ve let out my breath from holding it for the past 16 months. My husband is lovely. He’s a cheerful labrador, but I prefer to liken him to a poodle on crack. His energy consumes while mine diffuses. As I exhale, he inhales, but I inhale his exhale.

As a couple, the teeter-totter balancing act is what keeps the adventure of life going; sometimes one is up, others times it’s down. However, like being at the bottom while trying to carry something up a flight of stairs, the weight can become heavier and heavier. 

I think now, this was me over the last couple of months.

Perhaps Lady Universe heard my sighs and heavily whispered pleas for a break, because I finally have found a way out of the heavy load. My breath can be my own again.

Solitude and quiet recharge me. It’s in the quiet that I can filter the noise and find my own voice. Like sifting through the cereal box to find the special toy, I need space to pour out the box and move the marshmallows and bits that distract from the prize.

When I can write and hear my own voice, I can be what I need to be for others. When this is overridden, I struggle and all the other voices in my head start to make me feel like I’m going crazy.

So, it is nice to say Hello to me again and to let myself know that I’m not losing my mind, but rather finding it again.

My resolution for when my lovely bouncing ball of energy returns is to gently let him know that I need the space and time daily to hear myself so that we can continue to teeter-totter together with joy rather than let the burden get heavy again.”

———————

I wrote this last week and then M came home. It was a strange feeling having him back as four days was just enough for me to get into my own rhythm and settle into my ways. There was an inner turmoil in me that I had to observe as I think that I had an increased load on my sympathetic nervous system. 💪🏽🏃🏽‍♀️

Inside, I felt unjustifiably bitter that I was letting go of my newfound routine just because M was back. However, logic and reasoning returned to remind me, “Tara, you’re an adult, nothing is stopping you from doing what you want. Just be reasonable.”

So, I did.

My yoga and meditation time returned easily. My writing time, though, still needs some work to compromise on the head/energy space. We both like to be outside in the sun when we can, but he likes/needs to talk or have noise and I do not. Therefore, a schedule is probably needed on my part so that I can find that quiet space, whether in the sun or not, and still have time to enjoy the extroverted lifestyle each day.

In any case, I’ve been given another couple of days of quiet to keep working on the balance and defining the priorities. So, thank you Universe! 😇☀️🙏🏽

~T 😀

Jun 182020
 

Wrote this about a month ago, but never got around to posting it. It hasn’t been edited, but came about in my morning meditation as I focused on my breath ~inhale here ~exhale now:

A newborn baby cries swathed in his mother’s arms;
She whispers, “I’m here with you right now.”

A toddler takes her tentative first steps and stumbles;
her father picks her up smiling, “I’m here with you right now.”

A child spills off his bike for the first time without training wheels;
his mother picks him up with a laugh, “I’m here with you right now.”

A teenager cries at her first broken heart;
her mother wipes away the tears with a hug, “I’m here with you now.”

A graduate pauses before his valedictorian speech;
his father proudly mouths, “I’m here with you now.”

A bride excitedly waits to walk down the aisle;
her father sweetly calms her, “I’m here with you now.

A dying mother looks at her family as they all say: “We are here with you now.”

~T 😀
May 20, 2020

May 012019
 

It seems suitable to kick off May and also restart my concerted effort to write regularly again with a challenge by #whyshewrites – as first noticed by a fellow writer @kamsinkaneko from #theslowpath.

I have been meaning to get myself back into the habit, but, well, excuses abound and one thing leads to another so that time passes without me sitting down to the computer and posting.

There are pages written in my journal, but it is not quite the same as processing it enough to post for general consumption.

In any case, here is first of the challenge:

Share the reason why you write.

When I first began writing, it was to remember what was happening in my life. Things were always changing, people were coming and going, but I could not keep it all straight in my eight-year-old mind. My memories were fleeting, which I somehow understood was not normal for my age.

Besides that, I did not have a lot of friends to reminisce with as they would get left behind whenever I had to move. So, writing became a kind of friend for me.

As time went on, I wrote for my sanity. I realized I was an introvert and people did not always understand me when I tried to verbally express myself. So, I took to writing.

In school, I found that my writing connected with people. Thus, it became the way my voice could be heard and a sharing of my personality.

Then, writing became a necessity. Without my journal, I would probably have jumped off the ship of life long ago. Even though no one will likely read all of my words, at least I get them out of my head in some form. It’s a way of processing and organizing my thoughts so that I can try to express the crazy in a way others might be able to comprehend. In this way, I can test out my random thoughts in a more ‘normal’ way.

These days, I write with the intention of building a discipline to eventually write the stories of my life experiences to share with the world. As I talk with more people, I have come to accept that my life has a uniqueness that might have some value in sharing with others.

Although my life is not yet structured in a way to write full-time (or maybe it’s another excuse?), I am trying to create the best structures and patterns (though it’s a constant struggle) to be able to reach my lifelong dream of writing the story of my life.

So, this is why I write.

~T 😀

Jan 142019
 

Cancerian Red Dragon. Oh, and I’m an INTJ.

You may not be a believer of horoscopes or zodiac characters or the Myers-Briggs personality types. You may be one to say that every horoscope or description of a ‘type’ can fit just about anyone. Or, you may just not like being typecast to fit into one stereotype.

The reality is that whether we like it or not, we do fit into certain sets of characteristics. Joseph Campbell is famous for creating archetype characters in his _The Hero with a Thousand Faces_ based on heroes from myths around the world. Many authors use this as a foundation for their literary heroes and antagonists.

We are humans and humans are such because we share common characteristics. This is not to say that we belong in boxes or an encouragement/promotion of stereotyping individuals. I do not condone or agree with such behavior, especially when it results in negativity and ignorant actions.

What I’m saying is that as far as a category of characteristics go, I’m an INTJ Cancerian Red Dragon!

The above probably sounds as if I am writing in circles, but let me go deeper.

As everyday normal human beings on this planet, we struggle to find the balance between being unique and fitting in.

In the west, we learn that we should be independent, free-thinkers, and forge our own destinies. In the east, we learn that we should be in harmony with others in a collective movement that stems back to tribal existences. Yet, in our global society, it is a daunting and overwhelming mental exercise to figure out what is the ‘best’ way to go about living our lives.

It has long been discussed that perhaps the ‘exotic’ Eastern ways are more in tune with our true selves. If we consider the poignant role of social media, the need to find our ‘tribes’, hashtags to unite us, etc., then perhaps there is some truth to the fact that a collective way of life is the more natural and preferred way for a healthy and balanced existence – not to say that we, as a global society, are anywhere near achieving this.

Since I was eight-years-old, I knew that my life was ‘different’. Aside from the obvious fact that I was an international adoptee who clearly did not look like her family, I had a less traditional path to get to the eventual settling of my life into a ‘normal’ childhood. When I acknowledged that I was finally living what most considered to be the norm, I realized that perhaps there were others out there like me, who did not know that they weren’t alone on the paths that were before them. Therefore, I decided I wanted to write. I began journaling to remember what I knew I easily forgot and to take note of what was seemingly the mundane actions of my day to days.

As time passed, I veered away from this dream of writing for others and sharing my life with those who may be like me or those who were so extremely different from me that my life may seem unbelievable. However, now that middle-age is settling in and the sense of not giving a ‘fart’ about others’ opinions is dominant, I return to making this dream a reality.

My sense of wanting to fit in is no longer an issue. The chip on my shoulder that I carry about being unlike others has gotten smaller – not gone, but less burdensome to myself. 😛

Still, as a friend of mine wrote to me recently about the struggle to find good friends, it is a challenge to find like-minded individuals or just people who are not so completely consumed in themselves or their lives to share a bond with. Those I have found mean more to me than I am able to express (though I should probably try harder!).

So, I return to defining myself in the horoscopes, zodiacs, and Myers-Briggs. If you read this, or this, then you might see what I mean. Or, you might not.

For me, at least it is a kind of crutch I can use to understand myself a bit better. It helps me to rationalize why perhaps I do actually think differently than most and I’m totally ok with that fact, even perhaps proud of it. It helps me to have confidence in my life choices and experiences. Mostly, it helps me to realize that there is perhaps a real place for my writing and a perfect timing for it to become a lifetime reality to share it with the world.

This is all to say, stay tuned for more regular posts – for real in 2019 – and a promise that within this year, I will either be self-publishing or looking to publish a couple of books about life from my eyes as The Universal Asian (coming soon!).

~T 😀

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