The way that I manage to get a lot of reading done aside from a few pages before bed is by exercising on the treadmill. Lately, the weather has been rather grey and windy as the heat slowly moves into the city, so I’ve been back on the ‘mill to burn off the days’ tensions. Although I was just doing yoga twice a week and it seemed enough, I’ve realized that isn’t actually the case. I need to both distract my mind and burn off steam daily. Yoga brings me some quiet, but it’s not enough release of the buzz of my brain – especially on busy or stressful days. Usually, swimming is a good alternative as well, but since the weather has been ‘cool’ I haven’t quite got back into that routine yet. Thus, I’m on the ‘mill.
So, I’m reading this book called The In-Between by Jeff Goins (read him before and a write-up of this one to come when I finish). In the chapter I read today, he talks about how he realized his calling to write – which led to the question of whether or not one is gifted with certain predilections for life than others. As Goins writes, he knew that he was meant to write early on, I knew I was meant for writing when I was eight. There was absolutely no reason for me to feel this way, but something inside of me said that I needed to write – to share my life stories.
What is interesting about this is that just like when I do not exercise, when I do not write I feel tense and un-grounded. I lack focus when I haven’t written in my journal or had a blog post. It seems to be the one way that I can express myself clearly without fear of being misunderstood or censored for my words. It’s the one way that I am taken seriously without offense or interruption to be told that I am wrong for my thoughts. It’s the one way that I am heard. And, I am satisfied.
Although I have swayed like an out-of-sync pendulum back and forth on whether or not writing is really a part of my life, I need to truly come to terms with this reality – I AM A WRITER. I need it to write like I need to breathe. I need to write to exist. This is my calling above all other things that draw my attention or offer unknown even unreal promises. This is my calling.
Now, if only I had a clearer idea of how to make this central rather than peripheral to my life….(guess that’s another post!).