Jul 282022
 

Physically, I have many sensitivities to “nature”. I group it all together because basically I am allergic to most of the outside world. However, mentally and emotionally, I am fairly insensitive.

This does not mean that I do not get my feelings hurt or that I mean to hurt others; I am human after all. It just means that my threshold for pain in the abstract is reasonably high. (As a side note – I also consider a great deal of physical pain to be abstract as a construct of the mind, but that’s another conversation.)

As I wrote in my last post, I have found the positive in having so many visitors through a lens of curiosity and interest in the sociology of people.

We live in what I deem to be an overly sensitive time now. One cannot post anything online anymore without having to defend it even when there is nothing needing defense. One cannot refer to another person now without worrying about using the right pronoun or coming across as some kind of ~ist. A complete breakdown of any kind of communication is not far off, in my opinion.

M and I were discussing this morning about this societal state. As we pondered, I determined that mankind and individuals have become weak. When a minority voice can bully the majority into conformity of the few, then that means fear guides actions and that fear weakens our mental fortitude giving power to the few rather than the masses.

Many of the books I have been reading, or listening to, of late talk about the role of fear.

“Fear leads to the dark side.”

In the words of the wise Yoda

My days of living in fear are long over. I spent too many of my formative years into my mid-30s living in varied states of fear. When I discovered my own strength and power that lies within myself, fear had no business left with me and has been banned from my mental space, almost to the point that I never say phrases like, “I’m afraid…” or “I fear that…” even as general statements that get used in media, or even everyday conversations. For example, “I’m afraid we are all out of milk today.” Or, “I fear that the train might be late.” These seem like harmless, and even considered polite, phrases, but by allowing the concept of ‘fear’ to enter the statement a seed of negativity is dropped in the psyche left dormant and waiting to take hold of some other part of the brain or some other thought that can feed the fear into a weed that consumes and destroys.

Instead, simply saying “We are all out of milk today.” or “The train might be late.” are neutral statements. No judgment or sway needs to be applied. You see, there is no need to add on language that introduces a bias one way or the other – especially negatively.

Since language has started to shift toward the former so naturally, it is no wonder that now we are being bullied into having sensitivities over the words we use in writing or speaking. Words are just words. It is the interpretation that defines them. Every individual, group, society, tribe may have their own local interpretation, which is what made the exploration of different communities interesting. Nowadays, we are not allowed to explore, but instead are shutout or shutdown. When conversations cannot be held over finding a mutual definition or an agreement of interpretations, then many will see no point in conversing. That will shift us back into tribal and isolationist mentalities, which can lead to more fights and wars, which will ultimately lead to the destruction of mankind. Is this what happened to the Greek civilization that was once known for its great philosophers and orators? Were they shut down and ostracized to the point that the pursuit of understanding others became pointless until they self-destructed?

If I were more academically and research-inclined, I would look into this theory more. However, in my version of layman’s thinking, I will continue to ponder, share here, and hope for humanity to prevail and become less sensitive.

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Jul 212022
 

I remember yelling at my ex-husband once that not all stories were about him and that he didn’t always need to revert the conversation back to himself. He looked at me in confusion and said, “But, that’s how people relate and talk.” At the time, I just attributed his style of conversing with me, and others, as his ego and arrogance making him the center of EVERY conversation. 😑

Sadly, social interactions over the years have proven that he was right. 😳

Unfortunately, for me, I still hate it and want to scream when it happens! 🀬

Fortunately, I generally keep these thoughts/reactions to myself (this being one of the exceptions) and accept it’s more common than I would like. 🫀

However, I still believe it is about the ego. But, instead of arrogance I now attribute it to a lack of self-awareness and a need to prove one’s value, worth, and importance.

The truth is that I am on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to talking about myself, my opinions, and my experiences. Rather, I write these things, which is a kind of one-sidedness, but then the reader (you) can choose to walk away without hurting my feelings. πŸ˜… I’m not saying it is better – just, that is me and how I relate and talk to others. I do not have a need to prove myself on any level to others – a different form of arrogance. 😬

There is probably a bit of cause-effect happening if I do not talk about myself much, then others may feel the need to overcompensate by talking about themselves more. However, I challenge that logic with a question – why not just ask a question instead of making it about the self? πŸ€”

When the focus becomes constantly about the self, then the interaction no longer has a balance to it resulting in one (usually me) getting bored or frustrated with a conversation because one of a few things tends to happen: 1) stories get repeated, which is SUPER annoying to one who remembers they have already heard the story before, especially if a polite “Oh yeah, you told me that” does not deter the repetition; πŸ™„ 2) the dialogue is no longer such, instead it becomes a monologue, which is only interesting in a play or scene of a film/show; πŸ₯± 3) some kind of negative feeling and energy starts to seep in and settle whenever any further engagement is required making it somewhat challenging to deepen or further a relationship of any kind. πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«

If I really am interested in someone I tend to ask them questions. If that person asks me questions back and listens without waiting for me to pause so they can jump in with their own story, then I feel seen and heard. 😍 This rarely happens, to be honest.

Often, I tell people that I don’t like people. πŸ™…πŸ½β€β™€οΈ It always makes them laugh with surprise at my bluntness and no one actually believes it. They assume it means that I don’t like to socialize or that I am quiet and shy – a common misnomer of an introvert. Recently, I said maybe I should reword it to something like “I don’t trust people”, but upon thinking about that, it isn’t sufficient enough.

It is true that I do not trust most people, but it is more true that I don’t like people.

On the whole, I do NOT like people. People – as in the mass, a group of individuals, and all the social norms that are associated with people.

However, I DO like persons or individuals.

I cherish those I call friends – my definition is probably a bit different than most, but will save that for another pondering session. I enjoy socializing and time around individuals in groups.

Still, it is a fine line.

Not only do I get exhausted from being around others as an introvert, but my energy is drained even faster when I am around people. I do not thrive on monologic conversations. I do not thrive on the egocentric need to prove oneself through repetitive stories or always having to validate by listening to the rattling of their words. I find it on the same level as talking to children….

So, now that I’ve probably offended you as a reader, I will stop here. I do not mean offense. I just would like to implore πŸ™πŸ½ all individuals to consider that conversations should be like a well-played tennis 🎾 match. At the end of it, both should walk away feeling challenged yet satisfied.

Is that really too much to ask? 😜

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Jul 192022
 

When I was adopted by my family, the social worker informed my parents that I needed to go to university. M knew when his eldest was a child that she would pursue tertiary education. Apparently, it is just something that becomes clear – the need for intellectual stimulation.

While I do not consider myself to be that smart IQ-wise, I know that I am wise – whether thanks to my early life experiences or due to being an old soul (if you believe that kind of thing). I also know that I have had many adult life experiences that make me more aware of the world. Plus, as a reader of whatever I could get my hands on when I was young, I developed an understanding of how life works that would not have come without the world of books.

Still, I know that I also prefer a serious and deep conversation over the superficial niceties expected of most social exchanges.

A number of times, I have been told by my less intellectually-inclined partner that I can tell boring stories, or when I answer someone’s question literally it becomes uninteresting. On various irritating occasions, he has interrupted my answering of a question as a subconscious reaction to avoid me possibly boring them. I have told him this is unacceptable behavior as it is not only rude but disrespectful to me as if I don’t have anything of interest to say when I really have a lot to say – interesting or not – as anyone who reads my writing can tell. πŸ˜› He has apologized and is more aware, but still, there is no denying that I am serious and I take life pretty seriously.

One reason I tend to hide away to read or write on my own is that I can only take so much conversation on what I consider to be inane. I don’t mean any disrespect by that statement, but I don’t really care about the videos on YouTube or TikTok. I like to watch TV or movies, but it does not interest me to talk about them with others. I love clothes, but don’t need a 20-minute conversation about fashion because I know what I like and am happy with what others say they like – no discussion required. Also, as a non-parent, it is boring and totally out of my interest to talk about other people’s kids or reminisce about the joys or struggles of parenting.

Don’t get me wrong – I DO talk about these things, and with a smile. In fact, I am often truly interested because the other person is interested and wants to talk/share on these topics.

Still, I have my limits.

I miss the academic world at times because we would sit and talk about the psyche of the learner and brainstorm ways to reach their brain patterns to truly acquire language, study habits, or life skills that can/will affect the future. Or, I am often fascinated by language and how it is used to express culture, personalities, and represents countries through how the language is spoken, the gestures used, the expressions formed to share an idiom or nuanced idea.

Unfortunately, since having left academia, these kinds of conversations are infrequent. Indeed, that is the consequence of my choice to leave that world. While the tradeoff of not having to deal with truants and all the other aspects of the teaching world far outweighs the loss of intellectual stimulation; it does not mean that I don’t occasionally miss a conversation or two that delves deep into righting the world as I/we see it. πŸ˜‰

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

May 032022
 

America is viewed as a country that will celebrate anything. A common observance shared with me by non-North Americans is the exuberance of Americans at amusement parks, conferences, sporting events, and our observances of different months, holidays, etc.

Having not lived in the US for some time now, I am not as well-versed in the norms of my adoptive country nor its people. However, running The Universal Asian has forced me to get back into touch with various cultural elements, which includes celebrating/sharing focused content in certain months.

So, May has been declared as Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) awareness month, now also referred to as Asian American, Native Hawaiian and Pacific islander (AANHPI) month or some remove American and use “Awareness” as part of the acronym – Awareness of Asians and…. It’s all very confusing! On top of that, I have seen that May is also “Mental Health” awareness month – so what do we focus on or support?

The truth is that I find it all a bit bizarre and mostly a capitalist mentality. I mean, the Easter bunny came to be so that chocolate companies could benefit, after all. The problem is that with the ‘woke’ and ‘cancel culture’ mentality, one can no longer ignore these trends when trying to survive and thrive in a social media-based/influenced world.

All of it really makes me want to take a step back from anything connected to social media. I really just want to write, then turn off my computer to soak up the sun β˜€οΈ, read a book πŸ“–, and listen to the birds 🐦whittle on in the background.

Last night, M and I had heated discussion about the continuation of The Universal Asian (more on that later), and for a long moment, I decided to shut it down – after sleep, I have since temporarily reconsidered. The thing is that I do not NEED to do it. I do not NEED to make it successful. I do not NEED to care or provide the space. I, personally, do not NEED nor MUST nor WANT to make it my life’s worth or work. I do it because I believe it has value and I believe the space is needed – plus it gives me something to do that focuses externally rather than in my own headspace. However, if another space/organization/group/entity wanted or started a similar space with more success, money, etc. then I would be content.

M retorted with a confused look as to how I do not have passion for something that he thinks is a great concept. I explained that my existence has never been fueled by passion or driving forces. I have ambition and I have motivation to do or create a lot of things from the many ideas that fill my head. I have a good instinct for things that work or do not make sense. However, there is no burning fire in my belly to achieve anything in particular in life. So, if nothing ever comes to fruition from my ideas, I’m totally and completely OK with it. Life, mine and others, will go on – that’s an absolute.

Fact is, if I were to die tomorrow or learn that I was dying, I would welcome it with relief. My father and M have said that they would be pissed off if they were in that position because they feel they still have things to do in this life. I do not. I never have. I have lived and experienced life fully, in my opinion, but I do not treasure it nor want to hold on to it.

It is with this outlook that I do not understand the role of awareness months or focused observances of days like International Pancake Day or Siblings Day, etc. If we want to appreciate something, then just do it – do it every day or do it when the mood strikes. Why do we need to be forced to give credence to a particular day or a particular month? To me, that shows less passion, drive and commitment than those who make it their life’s mission to raise awareness on whatever topic they feel inclined to take on.

Anyway, maybe my passion is in trying to expand the awareness of others to look beyond the trends and so-called norms, to live life so that one can be satisfied if they found out they were dying tomorrow…. πŸ€”

Whatever the case may be, I think I have brought AAPI/AANHPI and MH awareness to you reader now, haven’t it?! 😜

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Apr 052022
 

Money is one of those topics that is either an expression of love for it – when one has it – or a hate of it – when one doesn’t have it or has a jealousy of others having it.

It is also one of the major stressors in relationships: marriages, partnerships, consumership, and even friendships.

For the most part, I try to be as upfront about money matters with people as I can to avoid having a “financial elephant in the room”. With honesty as one of my top values, which can only be expressed through communication, I believe that if one is not given the opportunity to at least talk about a topic, then there is no way to move forward.

On the flip side, I also do not think that everyone needs to know everything about one’s financial situation – whether positive or negative.

My husband, on the other hand, likes to talk about money. It is, after all, and always has been, part of his professional world. As a financial advisor, he needed to get people to talk about their financial goals, current financial situation, and everything else around how to invest their money for their future. Now, as a fund manager, he talks about money all day. He is not afraid to share how much he/we make a month nor is he reticent to share how he/we spend it – 99% on our house payments these days due to not easily qualifying for a mortgage.

In contrast, I only talk about money as it pertains to maintaining positive relationships. If I owe people money, I talk about it. If they owe me money, I talk about it. However, I never talk about how much I/ we have or spend.

The other day, we had a discussion about M’s ‘oversharing’ (in my opinion) because he tends to share with perfect strangers. Personally, I don’t think that anyone needs to know how much our payments are nor that we can pay them – barely – nor that this will only last until June and then we won’t be struggling at all. In his mind, he thinks he is sharing the struggle and providing a bit of comic relief around the idea of money. In my mind, everyone’s idea of money struggles varies and so him talking about our enormous house payment as a challenge, which a majority of the world cannot imagine such figures, is a form of bragging. Also, logical follow up includes others knowing that we have a very healthy income.

For me, then, I question whether we have friends because they now know that we have money, or if they actually like us.

Also, since we are currently struggling to make the smallest of payments to others once we make one large payment a month on the house, I do not feel it is proper to underhandedly – whether intentional or not – talk about our money matters so nonchalantly.

Perhaps he finally understands my point as we met some new people this past weekend and he notably did not share specific numbers. Funnily enough, these people would have not been phased by the numbers since they were people who run in high circles, but in any case, I’m appreciative that I did not need to worry about that. πŸ™‚

Anyway, while I hate to love money and love to hate money at times, I know that we are fortunate to have such a very first-world problem to debate on the talk of it!

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Mar 312022
 

I bet you’re wondering where I’m going with this after writing a bit of a ranty post a while back on etiquette?

This pop socket is on my phone and I love what it represents. Yep, let me explain….

I still standby the need for basic etiquette like saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. However, I do not standby political correctness nor the bubble-wrapping of words to avoid hurting people’s oversensitive feelings in today’s world. Words like ‘triggered’, ‘cancel culture’, ‘woke’, and ‘toxicity’ are words that I find to be inappropriately applied to avoid owning how we think and feel about the world to the point that now we are no longer allowed to express our true opinions to one another.

M and I were discussing the recent Oscar event and the presumed source of Mr. Smith’s actions. I’m not going to comment on my opinion about it, but we were talking about how M feels that Mrs. Smith seems to have a ‘toxic’ hold over him; thus, causing him to react as he did. I called BS on that.

First, we know absolutely NOTHING about these people in their true forms in real life. We learn snippets from interviews or the persona that they present to the world. I listened to a number of JPS’s Red Table Talk on Facebook Watch. This is ALL I know for sure. Therefore, it is definitely based on speculation on her possible personality that I (and M) make my comments.

With that disclaimer out of the way, I believe that JPS is a private person and is probably an introvert as well. M states that because she is in the public eye, she cannot be either of those things. I wholeheartedly disagree. He further claims that one should always express their opinions; otherwise, silence is consent. Another BS hand raised!

Now, for my side – it is my blog space, after all! 😜

I choose not to argue with others about my disagreement of their opinion – most of the time. This does not mean that I don’t have my own strong opinions. Anyone who has ever actually stopped to listen to me will realize that I have lots of opinions and they are just as strong as one who shares them all the time. However, I do not feel it worth my time nor energy to try to override others who want to make sure that everyone knows their opinion without bothering to stop and listen to an opposing one.

Furthermore, when I do express an opinion and bother to engage in a “discussion”, I expect to be heard. M referred to my idea of this as me giving a monologue rather than discussing. He might be right on that, BUT, I argue that if I am not allowed to give a monologue, then I am not heard. I prefer to write to express myself because the reader must focus on what I have to say and cannot interrupt me! 😁 As someone with a quiet voice, slow to process the words I want to articulate, and not prone to argument for arguments sake, this is a key element to having a “discussion” with me.

Lastly, if I do argue back, it is not meant to be taken as a dismissal of an opposing opinion. Rather, it is an activity in trying to push my theory/belief in full to find the flaws and holes in it so that I can then go back and reprocess, redefine, and refine what I believe based on new information and input. Arguing does not have to result in a fight. Instead, the old art form of debating is how I see my way of dialoging with the world.

So, in doing discussion and opinion forming in my way, I need to maintain the mantra of F*CK Politeness, because being polite suggests that I agree or that I consent to something which may not actually be the case. Still, know that I will always maintain my ‘please’ and ‘thank you’s’!

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Feb 212022
 

A consequence of the pandemic is a need for businesses to adjust their ways to gain the highest returns for recuperating their losses over the past few years. 

There are changes that will likely never go away such as using QR codes rather than spending money on printed menus that will eventually have to be updated. However, this forces everyone to use their mobile devices as soon as they sit down at a table. Upon first glance at such a place, you can see people not talking but instead scrolling on their phones. 

While some people will make their dining/drinking choices and put their phones down, many these days will continue to play with their phones to make a post on social media or chat with others who are not physically with them. The common misnomer of multitasking conversation virtually and in real life will likely be the normal activity one might see from now on. 

Despite this unavoidable social development, we have yet to see the use of laptops in a similar vein as a phone. The pulling out of a laptop at a restaurant or cafe suggests that one might be planning to overstay their welcome in a way that a constant use of a mobile phone might not. 

In fact, a large family can take up two tables and eat slowly while passing time on their phones for more than an hour eating only dessert and a few drinks, but one person cannot sit at a table with a laptop open even for a short time, despite possibly having a meal and multiple drinks. 

I find it a strange contradiction and mixed view of device-use these days. 

For the food and beverage industry, it seems that what should matter is how much one orders and spends rather than laying down arbitrary rules about what devices are allowed or not. Even implementing table time limits, like in Japan, would be more acceptable and fair to the customer – especially if there is a table charge, which in essence should allow the customer to use that space as they like since it is being paid for. I believe most people will happily respect a time limit, but it leaves a sour taste in one’s mouth when the venue dictates how a customer can use the table space because of a misconception of a laptop over a mobile phone.

This post comes out of a recent visit to a cafe in Rome where I had researched and read was an excellent place for remote workers to enjoy a delicious cup of coffee and also feel comfortable spending a little bit of time at. After walking about a half hour out of the main part of the city to find this place, I found the ambience to be as hoped and after an initial sitting down, ordering, and looking around I prepared to do a little bit of writing on my laptop.

At first, a server came up to me to say that I couldn’t really use my laptop at a table and that if I wanted to stay a while that I could sit in another section that faced a wall and was dark, plus another customer had already spread herself out there. Still, this first server said, I might be okay for a maximum of a half hour. A half hour was plenty of time for me to enjoy my cup of coffee, write a bit, and then move on. I had no issue with this time limit and set my watch for 20 minutes so that I wasn’t going over the allotted time.

Well, less than a minute later a different server came to me and more forcefully and less politely stated that I could not use my laptop AT ALL and instead, I had to move to the dark recess area if I wanted to use my device. At this point, I had only just received my coffee. I responded politely and put away my laptop. As I looked around, I noticed the large family next to me with only dessert plates and coffee cups at two tables. I saw another table where both people sitting were just staring at their phones. Another table where the coffee cups were empty, but the ladies continued to chat away. I looked outside to see plenty of empty tables where I considered asking if I could use with my laptop. However, the somewhat hostile air of the servers rubbed me wrong as they could have suggested this to me anyway.

In the end, I drank my cup of coffee quickly and got up to pay changing my plan to have a meal and more drinks. The cashier (maybe owner) asked “Was everything OK?” to which I mumbled “I guess.”

As I walked around the city pondering what happened and finding another place that didn’t seem to mind my laptop, I stewed. It wasn’t my fault and yet they made me feel as if it was. They must surely know that other websites are advertising – intentionally or not – that they are a cafe to visit for remote work and good coffee. As I brewed, I looked up Google maps reviews as no other sites would be as current, as I learned. Sure enough, there were a couple of other reviews with the very same disgruntled point. Thus, I decided to add my voice to this as they should know that people go out of their way to visit for the purpose of being able to sit and do some work, because being in Italy, there are a number of places where one can get a delicious cup of coffee.

Upon submitting my review, it wasn’t long before they replied in a rather unprofessional and rude way. I wish I had taken a screenshot of the original reply as they since edited it to be less aggressive in their response. It only made me laugh because their response only hurts them as a representation of their attitude toward customers not liking something.

Obviously, I understand that places like that need to make money. However, I also know that coffee has a rather high profit margin especially if they are roasting their own coffee and selling them. I also understand that they want to create a certain atmosphere that isn’t a remote working space. Again, there were so many empty tables outside that they could have offered that as a temporary option and still given me a time limit that I would have happily complied with in return for a customer-oriented solution.

Instead, they created someone who will actively make sure to not recommend them and find other places that are just as buzzing and delicious with their coffee options. I’m sure that they will have plenty of customers and I am just one person. Still, I hope that they will, at minimum, actually make it clear that it is not for remote workers despite what other websites have shared – and are responsible for getting people like me to visit in the first place – and reconsider how they treat people who are not aware of their non-laptop policy, but pro mobile phone one.

In this way, there won’t be any mixed signals and any negative repercussions for them and their customers can be avoided.

~T πŸ˜›

Jan 102022
 

One of my favorite quotes and sentiments I love from Michelle Obama is “When they go low, we go high”.

During the still mystifying drama that occurred at the end of last year, I came across this quote on FB and saved it because it hit home in the moment and as part of my personal values that have carried me through life contributing to my own sense of success and peace of mind.

Even into the new year, the pettiness and selfishness of one particular individual is bewildering as no matter how much I replay or re-read what transpired, I cannot see where anything I said or did not say or did or did not do could have justified the vitriolic response I have received nor the entitled behavior that has been exhibited.

Now, I do not expect to be liked by everyone. Nor, do I consider myself perfect in action, words, or behavior. I accept that I am a flawed human being. Still, I respect and honor myself as I am. Likewise, I try to do the same to others. Also, I acknowledge that people are at all different places of mental health, self-reflection/awareness, varied levels of perspectives, and so on. In most cases, I am intrigued by the aspects that make use different as it is an opportunity to learn and to grow.

However, I am still always disappointed and confused when a human being proves to be lacking in compassion, understanding, empathy, professionalism, and even just the inability to walk away completely to start anew or move on.

So, when I was sadly faced with the reality that my optimism in having ended the drama and moved on was premature, I initially let anger and a bit of ego take over my emotions. Then, the universe presented me with this image again and I recalled the Obama quote above.

Therefore, I am choosing to take the high road and let it go. In the end, nothing but more negativity and dark energy will be created – unnecessarily. Instead, I put out there into the universe that one day this person will come to see her ‘d*ckishness’ and pay-kindness-forward to someone else whom she may come across in a similar situation, but roles reversed. I hope in that moment, she will learn the art of taking the high road.

In the meantime, with each negative thought that does still enter my brain I let out a deep cleansing breath to release that dark energy and breathe in light, love, and the eternal pursuit of happiness for all. **Also, this is a promise to not write about her or the drama again as the mental space and time given has been more than sufficient. It is time to move on to bigger and better things for the overall benefit of myself and that which I envision.**

~T πŸ˜€

Dec 202021
 

There was a shadow cast that I knew had light on the other side, but lingered over me as I processed how the reaction of the very few was able to trigger a chain reaction with overblown responses resulting in unacknowledged ultimatums and bullying tactics because fear and a perpetual state of feeling injustice ruled dramatic actions.

It is ironic how I had just written about the need for open communication and how it may require persistence to reach a common understanding, yet found myself in a position where I had neglected to realize that the effort to talk things through also requires a level of maturity (not necessarily determined by age) and self confidence, of which is out of my control as that lies within others and cannot be adjusted within a simple moment or defined period of time that is needed to carry out a rational conversation.

To briefly explain my somewhat vague and slightly hyperbolic references, there was a kerfuffle that has led to two persons removing themselves from the platform. While they will be missed, they are fortunately – in terms of their roles with the platform – replaceable. It is also not a surprise nor overly disappointing to lose them. Every entity needs to evolve and adjust as it grows so I do not have issue with their departure.

So, what’s the problem?

The way they left and the reasons cited.

Clearly, we had different understandings of what the purpose of the space is meant to be.

I liken TUA, as a platform, to an empty room. We provide the room (platform) empty but open, clean and free to use. We do not hold any criteria for who can use it or how it is used once they have the key to access the room. Others get to use the room as well with the same freedom. Now, if someone doesn’t like the way the room is being used or the others in the room, it is their choice to move away, avoid them, or leave altogether. What doesn’t happen is: the room is changed for individual preferences, nor does its purpose get altered just because some don’t like how the room is used or they feel other users are dirty. We do not get involved in how others decide to work out any differences, etc. on their own because we expect them to act as civil fellow citizens of the world.

No doubt there are other analogies that could be used, but I hope you get the idea.

The point is that throwing temper tantrums or trying to bully one’s way are never successful tactics. Even less so is the silent treatment, avoidance of any direct communication, especially in a semi professional manner, or petty actions because they don’t like the way they think they were treated.

What really boggles my mind is how blind they are to not only having been bullied by a very few that led to these fearful and finger-pointing responses, but also their own similar actions in trying to get me to comply with no regard for the fact that I am human with a life outside the platform. When the crisis arose I was coping with my own internal battle so that adding the understandable yet very emotional drama of others was not in my capacity at the moment.

I do admit that it could have possibly been handled somewhat differently on my end, but my stance would not have been altered. The result may have been the same anyway. Therefore, I do not regret the series of actions as there is always a silver-lining in the aftermath.

Still, I have had frequent moments of contemplation on their behavior and expectations over the past week or so.

With people allowing social media to take over control of how and what they think, I find it disturbing how being able to work out differences or discuss compromises has become near impossible. I think that the influence and control given to a few negative comments is incredible and sad when it causes one to fear not being liked in an online space because of something that is only tangentially connected to them. I worry at the future of humanity when professionalism cannot be maintained because one feels the need to be pandered and catered to as a person rather than understanding the need to protect a space that one is a part of which is far larger than themselves. Plus, the few who used their own bullying and fear-mongering tactics to get their way because they didn’t like what was posted have no accountability for the triggering of a series of actions that have consequences far beyond themselves.

Although I had contemplated giving up and in altogether, as I personally cannot be arsed with the role of social media and online space, I have decided to shift my perspective and choose to look at the positives.

  • Change is inevitable.
  • Not everyone is going to be happy with everything.
  • Clearing out makes room for the new and allows for growth/improvement.
  • There is always something to be learned and to grow from.

Also, I keep in mind one of The Four Agreements shared by Don Miguel Ruiz – Don’t take anything personally. Ultimately, their responses and reactions are not about me as a person. Instead, they are about their own insecurities and fears. Also, I have no doubt that there are other internal struggles that I have no knowledge of nor perhaps do they consciously.

While I would have liked a conversation about their disagreeing opinions, even if it had become uncomfortable, I respect their decisions and wish them well in their next steps. While I cannot understand what is going on in their minds and lives, I can let go of any personal feelings around the situation by taking a breath and sending positive energy their way.

As it is the season of being bright and jolly, I am focusing on the joy of spending time with friends and taking a much needed break!!

~T 😁

Aug 142021
 

It’s true that I have a critical view of the world and people. I probably should have trained to become a judge πŸ‘©πŸ½β€βš–οΈ as I hold individuals, including myself, to a high moral standard. Also, I am a constant observer, analyst, and commentator on human behavior. Often, this comes out as harsh, arrogant, and not very empathetic or compassionate comments to those who are privy to my personal thoughts.

For the past month we have been staying with friends with an occasional trade-off of watching their daughters. Even when our friends are home, we still spend quite a bit of time with the girls. One (P) has just turned 10 and the other (C) recently turned 12 – going on 40.

While I generally enjoy children, I have never been able to cope with certain behaviors – no matter what age.

With C, I basically have no issue as we have a similar temperament and her being a middle-aged pre-teen is relatable for me. Of course, like any human, she has moments of irritation and clear lack of life experience. I AM empathetic, compassionate, and kind with her expressions of thought, whether with undesired attitude or not. Overall, she has a reflective and harmless way. Plus, she’s a fellow Cancer sign πŸ¦€ and intuit.

On the other hand, P pushes all my wrong buttons 🀬 despite moments of cuteness and acceptable sauciness. 😜 Obviously, she’s only ten. However, she already has a mastery of selfishness, smugness, and laziness that I cannot wrap my head around as my core values do not align. Her aura is one of frustration for me, because while I believe she will be able to outgrow these less attractive ways, I worry that her early awareness of manipulation and deception will twist her path in becoming an upright human; though, I maintain optimism that I will be totally surprised at being wrong about her.

In another of M’s strangely dismissive comments about me, to me, he retorted that I judge no one as a β€œgood parent” all the while not ever having had my own children.

It’s generally easy to throw this comment at someone who is childless as there is no comeback for them. It is also an excellent way to shut down a discussion or analysis of the human condition. Usually, I take it as a way of evading any potential negative criticism that might be directed at the one closing the door of rhetoric. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

For me, I freely admit that I don’t know what it is like to raise children and struggle to guide beings into becoming functional adults within my personal life. However, as an educator πŸ‘©πŸ½β€πŸ« and researcher in the development of people, I feel that I have both an academic and tangential knowledge of what young people need. The more important aspect is that I view these youth without an emotional or biased attachment that comes with having one’s own offspring.

So, while my husband can be flippant with his comments, he forgets that I am actually educated in helping children grow, as a classroom tends to be as important for creating adults who contribute to the success of society as does the home. One could even argue that it is more so.

Further to his comment, I am not particularly judging others’ parenting skills as I am fully aware that life is complicated and it’s a challenge to balance survival with child rearing. I am in awe of people who choose to bring another life into this world and attempt not to β€˜f’ them up. πŸ˜… I never felt able to take on such a heavy responsibility as it took me years to sort myself out. So, I have zero regrets for not having my own mini-me’s, but a thousand respects for those who do. πŸ™πŸ½

Basically, I find it interesting/curious 🧐 to see how two beings can come from the same parents and be so different. I often ponder out loud how to curb what I deem to be more worrisome characteristics in a young person so that it does not become a challenge for them or their parents later in life. Ultimately, though, everyone does their best – for the most part. Nature is a very strong feature that no matter how much nurturing is given cannot always be tamed.

Either way, I’ve been learning about myself and M even more through the shared kid-duty responsibilities and enjoying getting to know these young people (and their parents) even more. I look forward to seeing how they change over the coming years. πŸ’ž

~T πŸ˜€

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