responsibility

Well, I managed to complete this task early in the week and so am posting it here now for record-keeping and accountability purposes. Cheers to a fairly decent 2023 so far and here’s to the amazingness that will come in 2024! 🎉

Reflections on my writing so far in 2023

Positives

Umbria on a Whim – Vol 1: The Basics was published and sent out in the world.
I started OSH’s Letters on Substack and maintained a paid membership.
My blog CreativeMeanderings got regular posts most months.
Started the year with paid publication under my pseudonym.

Oopsies

Writing on and for other platforms like Medium and collaborations fell to the wayside.
Work on my fiction novel took a back seat delaying yet another year in its progress.

Goals for my writing for end of 2023 into 2024

Prioritize my writing every day – this is my purpose in life!
Finish Umbria on a Whim – Vol 2: Health and send to publisher by end of October 2023
Work on drafts of Umbria on a Whim – Vol 3: Finding your Home & Vol 4: Making Home Yours – possibly one send to publisher May 2024 and October 2024, respectively…
Finish draft of my fiction novel by June
Beta readers for fiction novel and feedback by August/early September
Revise and send to publisher/agent/etc by November
Move all writing to own sites for membership and any paid aspects: OSHwriter.com (aim is to reduce footprint and focus attention on my own spaces)

Reflections on my “professional” life in 2023

My work editing increased and is starting to naturally form into something clearer and more manageable. Although it was not something I was actively pursuing, I am happy with it as “work” as it allows me to basically read for ‘free’ and use my analytical/intellectual brain periodically. Plus, it is fairly flexible, so it works very nicely for me.

My freelance work with Fruitful continues to flow nicely. Also, I am happy with this work as something to keep me busy when the work is there. Again, it allows me flexibility and gives me a small income to use for gifts or splurges without dipping into other financial spaces.

So, I feel content with these professional activities and how they have developed this year.

Goals for my “professional” life in 2024

Although I am mostly enjoying the new English Yoga class that I am teaching once a week online for the next three months, I do not want to continue to do any more online teaching. Since I have already committed to this course and potentially future ones related to it, I will stick to that, but then probably avoid anything else. If I do any kind of teaching in 2024, I think it will only be yoga related and perhaps in person at the studio where I join classes; however, that is to be determined organically.

With the editing work, I will maintain it as is until I feel that it is not serving me positively. Otherwise, I have no desired changes to make “professionally” in the next year.

Reflections on my health and wellbeing in 2023

With the ankle break, this year was a bit of a mix in my health and well-being. I am first and foremost so thankful that I was able to go to a private clinic. Thanks to my yoga contact and financial situation, I was attended to by amazing doctors and got wonderful treatment. Therefore, my recovery period has been fairly smooth and quick overall.

There is the obvious downside from being laid up with some weight gain and muscle loss, but I am starting to get that back. A positive was that I spoiled myself a bit with massages and spa days when I could. I found a couple of options locally to our house, so that has been lovely to know I can do a little self-care when wanted/needed.

So, I would say, I feel pretty OK with how my health and wellbeing have been this year all things considered.

Goals for my health and wellbeing in 2024

I am on a bit of a mission to ensure that I do not gain any more weight or accept the dreaded “menopausal belly”. I don’t really compare myself to others as I know that most would look at me and say that I don’t have anything to worry about. However, my health and wellbeing are exactly that – mine. It’s about how I want to look and how I feel, not how others perceive me. So, I plan to keep up with my yoga practice regularly. I have already started using the Peloton app to see if I can include some fitness training through there. I’m not sure if I will continue with it or not, but the aim is to stay toned through light weight training and active through walking or other cardio. This is in addition to my yoga.

Also, in terms of wellbeing, I want to maintain my writing retreats. These retreats aren’t just for writing, but for finding my own headspace and resetting periodically. So, when I have the chance to sit with the man and tentatively plan out our joint travels, then I will also sketch out my writing retreats and outings so that I can satisfy my need for a schedule, which also gives me motivation and direction.

Reflections on the rest of life activities so far in 2023

It’s been a good year when looking back. The last quarter is also looking to be spectacular. Aside from the three months of focused recovery, I have been able to enjoy travel and dining experiences as well as developing friendships near and far. What being more limited did give me was perspective on what I consider important.

So, a few months ago, I began to do a kind of countdown or count up of how many times in the next five years I can see my family, friends, travel, and do some of the things I consider important to me. When put into this view, it is easier to make decisions about my activities. This leads me into my goals for next year.

Goals on the rest of life activities in 2024

I plan to see my parents at least twice in one year. So, we will see them at Christmas 2023 in the Bahamas this year. Then, the plan is to see them in the summer of 2024 and possibly around Thanksgiving time again. I’ll also plan the next trip with my mom in 2025, if not before.

Three years have passed since I last saw my BFF and family, which is too long. So, we are going this November to Tokyo and they will come to Italy next June. All of that is in the books. One goal already checked off! 😀

As we like to have big parties here and there, I have tentatively scheduled large events for Easter and then one in the fall. I think this year it will be held in October, which sounds great. The rest of our get togethers are going to be quiet ones with those I/we want to really spend time with. For me, I want to make the most of my relationships rather than superficially skid through them.

Then, there is travel. This is still being worked out as I imagine that during our time in the sun this December, we will sit to make our plans for the following year, so will update later – if I can remember – on that.

So, there they are — my reflections and goals.

I think I covered just about everything except money, which is also an area that will be done together with my partner. We have tentative goals already, but I want to make them more specific.

In any case, it is satisfying to have this done and dusted now. It is exactly what I needed to feel refreshed and to reset my mojo. For the future, I need to install a process for doing this sooner, or immediately, when our schedules and placements get off-rhythm. Since we will likely be a bit more nomadic in the coming years/months/days, this will be important to have in my toolkit to ensure that I do not get unanchored and waste precious time that is limited as we lead this amazing life.

Thank you for being on this journey with me as a record-keeper and unwitting accountability partner just by reading my reflections and goals.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

It’s true that I have a critical view of the world and people. I probably should have trained to become a judge 👩🏽‍⚖️ as I hold individuals, including myself, to a high moral standard. Also, I am a constant observer, analyst, and commentator on human behavior. Often, this comes out as harsh, arrogant, and not very empathetic or compassionate comments to those who are privy to my personal thoughts.

For the past month we have been staying with friends with an occasional trade-off of watching their daughters. Even when our friends are home, we still spend quite a bit of time with the girls. One (P) has just turned 10 and the other (C) recently turned 12 – going on 40.

While I generally enjoy children, I have never been able to cope with certain behaviors – no matter what age.

With C, I basically have no issue as we have a similar temperament and her being a middle-aged pre-teen is relatable for me. Of course, like any human, she has moments of irritation and clear lack of life experience. I AM empathetic, compassionate, and kind with her expressions of thought, whether with undesired attitude or not. Overall, she has a reflective and harmless way. Plus, she’s a fellow Cancer sign 🦀 and intuit.

On the other hand, P pushes all my wrong buttons 🤬 despite moments of cuteness and acceptable sauciness. 😜 Obviously, she’s only ten. However, she already has a mastery of selfishness, smugness, and laziness that I cannot wrap my head around as my core values do not align. Her aura is one of frustration for me, because while I believe she will be able to outgrow these less attractive ways, I worry that her early awareness of manipulation and deception will twist her path in becoming an upright human; though, I maintain optimism that I will be totally surprised at being wrong about her.

In another of M’s strangely dismissive comments about me, to me, he retorted that I judge no one as a “good parent” all the while not ever having had my own children.

It’s generally easy to throw this comment at someone who is childless as there is no comeback for them. It is also an excellent way to shut down a discussion or analysis of the human condition. Usually, I take it as a way of evading any potential negative criticism that might be directed at the one closing the door of rhetoric. 🤷🏽‍♀️

For me, I freely admit that I don’t know what it is like to raise children and struggle to guide beings into becoming functional adults within my personal life. However, as an educator 👩🏽‍🏫 and researcher in the development of people, I feel that I have both an academic and tangential knowledge of what young people need. The more important aspect is that I view these youth without an emotional or biased attachment that comes with having one’s own offspring.

So, while my husband can be flippant with his comments, he forgets that I am actually educated in helping children grow, as a classroom tends to be as important for creating adults who contribute to the success of society as does the home. One could even argue that it is more so.

Further to his comment, I am not particularly judging others’ parenting skills as I am fully aware that life is complicated and it’s a challenge to balance survival with child rearing. I am in awe of people who choose to bring another life into this world and attempt not to ‘f’ them up. 😅 I never felt able to take on such a heavy responsibility as it took me years to sort myself out. So, I have zero regrets for not having my own mini-me’s, but a thousand respects for those who do. 🙏🏽

Basically, I find it interesting/curious 🧐 to see how two beings can come from the same parents and be so different. I often ponder out loud how to curb what I deem to be more worrisome characteristics in a young person so that it does not become a challenge for them or their parents later in life. Ultimately, though, everyone does their best – for the most part. Nature is a very strong feature that no matter how much nurturing is given cannot always be tamed.

Either way, I’ve been learning about myself and M even more through the shared kid-duty responsibilities and enjoying getting to know these young people (and their parents) even more. I look forward to seeing how they change over the coming years. 💞

~T 😀

A conversation with a friend has stayed with me when she once asked her father why he didn’t force her to learn Spanish even though it was her parents’ mother tongue. She shared her father’s response as: he was too busy trying to make a living and needing English to care for the family that it was up to her to learn the language or not.

Along the same vein, I have often wondered about people who play the ‘victim’ card or blame their parents for one thing or another having gone wrong in their lives. At what age or point in life do we take responsibility for our own actions, thoughts, and results in our lives?

In my early childhood there were a lot of people I could blame. I also could have ended up a completely different person had circumstances been different or had I stayed in one family or another. Yet, not once did it occur to me to think that it was anyone’s fault. Or, if anyone was to blame, I often blamed myself wondering what I had done wrong or what was wrong with me as a person.

When I was eight, I developed a “personal relationship with Jesus”, as born-again Christians like to put it. Over time, I have revised the wording, but I have faith in a greater power that I call a combination of God the Father and the Universe. Some time in my teens as I was attending church and doing a lot of Bible studying, I developed a belief that I was undoubtedly the foot or the ass in the body of Christ. Every part of the body has a purpose, but some get the full weight of being sat or stomped upon more than other parts. It was really the only way I could put rhyme or reason to why I had faced my early life challenges before I had even had a chance to be a bad person.

Then, for a period of time, I sadly had accepted that perhaps God just didn’t like me. I think ‘hate’ might have been the term I used as I cried in the truck while talking to my dad about being depressed and generally unhappy in life. It was a darker teenage-angst period of life and conversations between me and my parents swirled around this idea.

My dad and I always had our most meaningful chats while on the road. He seemed to like driving around and I liked just hanging out with him. He always could make me laugh – he still does – with silly comments/jokes or he’d challenge me to think in a different way with his sometimes annoying questions of ‘Why do you think ~?’. On this occasion, I blurted out my frustration in believing that God hated me.

Not being much of a religious man and not sure of his own beliefs, my father replied with ‘I don’t know if there’s a God. I do believe there is a higher power or greater being or whatever you want to call it. I think things just happen to people. It’s our job to figure out the reason and to deal with it the best way we can, but it’s definitely not a matter of being hated.’ or something to this effect. They were the wisest words that I had heard and almost as if God the Father were speaking to me directly through my earthly one.

It was then that I learned the essence of being responsible for my own actions, thoughts, words, and way of life, even though I didn’t yet know Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements. Or, the other self-help type words that are trending or commonly used in yoga, wellness, and psychology today.

My father’s words, reinforced by what I’ve learned throughout life via experiences, reading, and others I meet, taught me that I am the only one I am responsible to and for.

We take joint responsibility for loved ones, partners, etc., but we are not solely responsible for another’s happiness or satisfaction in life. It is up to that person to make their own choices. Learn Spanish if you want to learn it. Take trips if you want to travel. Go out and meet people if you want more friends. Experience everything if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. Set your goals and take the steps you need to achieve them – whatever they may be.

If we fail at life or our goals according to our own standards, then we only have ourselves to blame. At the same time, if we feel overwhelmed by the goals we have set, it is within our power to adjust them so that they can be achieved. There’s no need to try to find someone else to blame.

So, as I take my steps forward this year towards reaching the goals I have set before me, I look to myself (and partially to my husband, family, and friends 😛 ) to be responsible for my success or failure.

~T 😀

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Creative Meanderings

Summarized Reflections and Goals of 2023 into 2024

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