May 202021
 

Yes, pictures are coming, but saving that post for when I have fewer words to share. 😅

M went on a trip for mostly business, but a little pleasure (for both of us) this week. He left on Tuesday afternoon and returns on Saturday evening.

His original plans were to combine a stop in Spain and Brussels, but the Spain portion got moved, so rather than cancel or limit the Brussels portion, he extended it. Plus, then he’ll still go to Spain next week. 🙌🏽

Now, I’m not going to lie. When the trips were planned initially, I was not for it as the timing was less than ideal. Panic and PTSD rose in me so that my poor husband thought that I wouldn’t let him go at all – ever. He had forgotten that I have been dying for some solitude, quiet, and independence for months – 16 in fact.

However, the timing coincided with having to move out of our rental and head to Italy thereafter along with the fact that I still do not have more than a number to legitimize my being in a foreign country. I think I had a fair point on why he shouldn’t be traipsing off. Though, I probably could have expressed with less drama and emotion, but well… it’s done. 🤪

So, when we found out that we had to return to France 🇫🇷 anyway, I was more open to the idea of him going off for a few days – more like ecstatic! 🤣 Even though it meant coming back a bit earlier and paying more money for a place, it has been more than worth it!

While we have ridden out the past year plus quite well and our love remains fully intact, there is a lot to be said for a bit of time apart. Before, I could enjoy quiet moments at home most days with M off to work at his office. Then, we started sharing workspace. Our styles greatly differ by the nature of our work, but also by who we are as individuals. Although he, as an extrovert, wasn’t able to see others and charge up in that way, he could still refill his batteries by venting on the phone, Zoom, etc. Unfortunately, this does not work for an introvert, who needs silence and alone time to recharge. My batteries have been running on low for 16 months…. 16 …

It’s only been two days, but already I can feel a sense of myself again. I have made sure that I see friends each day so that I don’t completely close up into my shell, but my batteries are charging reminding me of who I am when full.

With about two more days to go, I will continue to recharge but also take the opportunity to think about how to bring back the balance for myself once M is back. It’s not like he can go away every week – nor do I really want him to -, but the importance of making sure I can recharge better has been noted. 😇

~T 😀

Jun 022020
 

There is so much going on in the world these days that it really is overwhelming to try to process it all. It’s hard not to get caught up in the fury that rages, or to want to ostrich my head in the sand or put a towel over my face in hopes of not being seen – or rather not seeing or hearing what’s happening outside of my bubble.

Today, I will discuss what is spreading internationally – and I don’t mean COVID-19.

The cups of rage, injustice, frustration, and inhumanity runneth over creating a massive tidal wave of destruction, bloodshed, and further inhumanity.

Let me first say that while I absolutely am for ALL LIVES MATTER as I posted about almost two years ago when a similar pandemic filled the streets with protesters, I am not silently (or even noisily) condoning racist behavior IN ANY WAY.

However, combine the three stories below with months of forced isolation where people are getting brainwashed through whatever media channel they prefer to watch and it is no wonder that there is an outrage that explodes faster than the actual virus that the world has come to, justifiably or not, fear.

Ahmaud Arbery

Christian Cooper

George Floyd

I like Kevin Hart’s message about the media’s responsibility to create the right narrative, which is not about the protests and rage, but it should be “on the side of the solution”.

“Everybody’s conversation should be about the change.”

This.

This is a systemic problem that needs to be addressed properly. Our conversations should not be about race or color. The conversations should be around why humans in power think it is okay to dehumanize those without it (George Floyd). The conversations should be around why the human ego has become so big that we only think about ourselves at the expense of another person’s safety and freedom (Alice Cooper). The conversations should be around why anyone thinks they are above the law to take it into their own hands based on a horribly misrepresented world view of another person (Ahmaud Arbery).

We need to talk about the history that continues to repeat itself when a country (countries) decided to build itself up at the expense of another society and culture. It has been happening from the building of the great Eyptian structures to the development of the United States.

Success cannot last when there is no acknowledgment of the sacrifice, shedding of blood, sweat, and tears, and recognition that without the history of this, societies would not be where they are today. We know this to be true individually, yet somehow when it comes to the masses, we choose to ignore it – ostrich;  avoiding the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy).

When we fail to have compassion and gratitude for what others have done for us, we lose the right to progress smoothly and gently. When we fail to acknowledge and thank those who paved the way for us to have it easier or better, we lose the right to moan about the struggles we have now. When we fail to learn from the past, we fail in the present and lay a path of continual failure into the future.

Healing must come at a deep and meaningful level. We have to have the right conversations. They aren’t conversations of white vs black; Asian or non Asian; man vs woman; rich vs poor. These are the consequences or the death from the virus, so-to-speak. Instead, we need to talk about power as the source, ego as the source, humanity as the source. When we can understand and heal the source, then can we remove the rot that is spreading throughout.

So, it saddens me deeply to see the world destroying itself on so many levels. It worries me to see how easily people comply to fear which leads to limited understanding from limited information which leads to Lemming-ton. We should all be worried when governments issue militarized curfews to prevent free speech and freedom to protest against the powers that be. We should all be worried when leadership passes bills to prevent the spreading of incorrect facts and lies under the pretense of free speech. No wonder the world is angry….

~T 🙁

Jul 032016
 

Day 8:  What book are you most grateful for?

Oh my what a very tough question for me…! There are so many wonderful books out there and reading is my absolute favorite form of escaping reality. I have been doing it for as long as I can remember – reading to enter another world. 😛 I think, however, the book I am most grateful for is _Anne of Green Gables_ by LM Montgomery. Why? First, I found my kindred spirited BFF through a mutual love of this novel/series. Also, it was probably the first proper story about adoption that I could relate to in some shape or form. While for most, this is a story of a strong-willed, free-spirited red-headed young girl whose short temper and mischievous nature got her into a number of tangles, then she grew up to be a role model and made her adopted parents proud; for me, it was much more than this. It was hope. So, I am grateful that this book was written and also so popular to become great films too! 😀

——

Lately, I have been struggling a little bit mentally and emotionally. I suppose that I could say I have been depressed; though not in my bipolar way, but in a truly depressed kind of way. In fact, I have been sleeping far more than I usually do and it is not due to vacation-mode settling in; but rather more of another form of escape since reading was not working either.

One of the reasons for this state of mind is a sense of being trapped. Now, freedom is one of my greatest values in life. I need to feel free to feel like myself. It was something that became central to my existence from the time I went to university. It is a value that I struggled with due to my background of not having any control over my early years. Since then, I have prided myself in the fact that I have held good jobs, managed my money just enough to ensure I could travel or have the lifestyle that I want, etc.

Since deciding to quit my job, circumstances have changed and with a number of changes happening all at once, I am, for the first time in my life, in a situation where I feel trapped again. One reason I held off on ever wanting to get married again was also that sense of responsibility for another person. Now, I do not feel trapped by being married, but together we have created a status that has crippled my sense of freedom.

This is, of course, temporary and I know that in due time everything will be even better than it was before. Therefore, it is a matter of getting my head back on straight, my heart full again, and my focus on what matters most. We are both healthy and generally happy. I have a lot of freedom in terms of time, which is a new experience that I can focus on enjoying. I have a lot of freedom in what I can do each day as far as exercise, yoga, pool-time, etc.

Thus, if I keep my eye on the prize, I know that all is well. 🙂

~T 😀

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