On an individual basis, humans can cause a feeling of great respect – like for the late Queen of England – or grave disappointment. Recently, I lamented a sense of discouragement in the actions of someone I know. Yet, I haven’t quite figured out the root of why I feel this way.
Truthfully, I hardly know this person. She is really barely more than an acquaintance despite her long friendship with M. However, after investing quite a lengthy period of time in conversations with her during a visit this summer, I somehow started to feel a sort of kinship with her. Despite our age difference, it was clear through discussions that it is not the number of years that defines one’s maturity or knowledge of life, but more about experiences and an ability to learn from them that gives us the wisdom and courage to alter the repetitive tendencies we have to make the same mistakes or stand in the way of our own life’s evolutions to a happier existence.
These days, with the #MeToo movement, defense of women’s right to have a say over their bodies, ongoing battle for gender equality, and the like, it is important to support one another to feel empowered, independent, and courageous to show that humanity is not based on our gender identification.
However, breaking generational barriers that have brainwashed a section of society to believe that women need men or that happiness can only be found in a perceived companionship despite what may go on out of the prying eyes of others is something I do acknowledge as not easy. Still, I feel it a duty and responsibility for those who come after us to make an effort to raise the standards rather than succumbing to an arbitrary, unreliable, ever-changing status quo.
So, let me be more specific about this particular situation.
A self-made, hard-working, successful woman who raised two children mostly on her own is still seemingly feeling the need to define herself with a relationship. A relationship with someone that NO ONE who has met him whom we know likes. A relationship that she, herself, has questioned, let go of, and ranted about from early on. A relationship with so many red flags that one wonders when the other shoe is really going to drop to reveal what many of us believe to be his hidden true nature. A relationship that, in accordance with the last time we had spoken, was over – much to our relief and support.
Then, thanks to, or unfortunately because of, a social media post, we discover that he is back in her life smiling away and looking ever-so-smug that he has once again snaked back into position where he can continue, what I personally believe, is his long game into conning her into helping himself to her money, house, etc.
Let me be clear – I do NOT think he is a nice or good person. I do NOT think he has the best intentions. I DO think he is deceptive and ruthless. But, hey, who am I?
And, that is the crux of it.
It is not my opinion, nor even those others who all have similar opinions, that matters in the end. It is her life and her decisions; and our job, generally, is not to judge but to support what she does according to what she feels is best.
Or, is it?
So, this is my contemplations of late. I will likely not see her again for many years. After all, it had already been about five or six since I first met her. Therefore, what she does and who does anything with has basically no bearing on my life whatsoever. Thus, that voice shouts out “Stay out of it! It’s none of your business, lady!”
But…
There’s that other voice, the one that wants the world to be more just and right. The one that wants humanity to be better and for individuals to actively work on evolving into their greatest potential. The one that expects more and continues to raise standards – because we all can (including myself, before you think I’m on a hypocritical soap box) do more and be better. The one that believes that we should not encourage nor condone the behaviors of those whom we know in the deepest, darkest parts of minds and souls are not up to snuff.
Thus, this post of pondering and pontification.
In the end, I cannot do anything. I did express my disappointment and then removed myself from having to see any further of her sharings with him – for that is my prerogative. My hope is that we are all wrong about him, and that he will turn out to amaze all of us with his genuineness and love for her. Perhaps, I will then be able to just blame my current sentiments on my obsession with true crime and an overactive imagination.
Only time will tell.
~T π₯πβοΈ
