It has been a while since I last touched on the topic of grief and grieving. Like the cycle of grief, the topic comes and goes through conversations as we age, through studies of mindfulness meditation, through life. It has an equal presence as celebration and rejoicing yet, as with most negative emotions, has a stronger hold on our hearts than their counterparts.

We recently shared in my teaching course about how grief is present in our lives and how mindfulness meditation can or has helped us.

Interestingly, most shared about the grief of loss; and that loss was usually of a close family member. Fortunately, I’ve not had to endure such heaviness in my adult life (aside from my Beagle babies), but I know that it will come at some point in the future to grieve my close humans. And, at the same time, I am already prepared. 

For me, I feel as if I was born into grief. I feel as if it is woven into the fabric of my soul from previous lives into the earliest days of this one. Often, I express my gratitude for having been given the skills to cope with life and its transience practically from birth. Being adopted internationally, displaced multiple times, and assimilated into different cultures–whether relationally or geographically–has taught me to embrace impermanence. My understanding of non-attachment is part of the characteristics that make me who I am. 

In our group, I shared that unlike how I see many who come to these practices or studies of spirituality, I feel I am mostly learning how to express what I already know and do. Before, I didn’t have the means or proper words to share my insights or views of the world and this life, but the more I read, the more I study, the more I interact with others on a similar wavelength, the more I can coherently elucidate what and how I feel, how I see, how I perceive.

Someone recently told me that I could be on the verge of a quantum leap. Honestly, I have no idea what that means; and granted, he was a little bit inebriated. However, he fascinated me. His words led me to do a little bit of digging into what he was referencing, but I haven’t done enough research yet to share more than that just now. What did strike me though was the hint that perhaps I was on the precipice of something changing inside or with me.

The truth is that for a while now I have felt this need to prepare for a shift. I have spent the past few months contemplating what it means to be entering my 50s as an age. I’ve opened my mind to the concept of frequencies, astrology, more compassionate acts, more graceful interactions. Whether I evolve only in my mind or in the world around me, it doesn’t really matter to me. What does is that I continue to grow into a kinder, humbler, gentler human being. Does this mean that I will make a leap into some unknown space? I doubt it, if Gemini is accurate in its definition. Though, by Gemini’s description, I might actually be on the verge of one after all.

Yet, I feel that every day is a cycle of grieving to varied degrees. Waking up is a moment of grief each day as I leave the beautiful respite of sleep–it truly is my least favorite instant in a day. We always say grief ebbs and flows like an ocean wave. Sometimes it is all-consuming. Sometimes it is just a ripple. At various moments I might think about my pups, my grandmas, my uncle, my past guardians, my unknown biological relatives, and so on. Each loss, whether or not the being is still present on this earth, brings a moment of pause. A breath of reflection. A fleeting cloud upon which to ponder. None hold me for long. Everything is temporary–the happy, the sad, the laugh, the cry. It is neither good nor bad. It just is.

So, it is in this headspace that I value grief and the grieving process. For everyone it is different depending on their own experiences in this life or before. It is not my job to “fix” it or to change it. 

Instead, what I offer is to bear witness to the one who needs grace, compassion, and love.

~T 🔥🐉♋️