This past weekend, two girl friends and I went on a road trip up near Lake Trasimeno, which is just about an hour or so from home. It was the second time for me to travel with one and the first with the other. 

Using Gems, aka Gemini, I created a two-night, three-day itinerary to explore the area. I have been wanting to head to that area for a while as research for my third book on my Umbria on a Whim series, which has taken me much longer than I had expected to get going. But, hey ho, lots of different writing projects do that. Anyway, it was a good schedule making our way around the lake, ensuring we enjoyed leisurely and tasty lunches, then having enough space in our accommodations to chill, but also have time together. While the Airbnb was beautiful, there were some adjustments with the sleeping arrangements that will require further consideration if we go on future trips. Overall, it was manageable for two-nights.

What was both interesting (and tiring) was the conversations with our most poignant one falling on our second night. 

I often say “I don’t like people.” I mean it, but I also know that it has a certain shock value on others that can stimulate conversation and make them pause. Well, one person took it as a personal attack of sorts, while the other completely understood what I meant. This alone was interesting, because I very rarely get support without even needing to explain myself. Without commenting on the form and behavior of the expression of the internal reactions, we had a robust discussion that explains why I mean this sentence.

As an extreme introvert, my energy creation and restoration comes from solitude. Every interaction, regardless of it being a wonderful one, a neutral one, or a negative one drains my energy. It is just a matter of how quickly and how much that drain affects my overall mental (and sometimes physical) well-being. This means that every single person I interact with causes me to automatically calculate how much energy I have to share, expend, and lose before I can recharge again. It’s not a personal judgement of the other person based on how I feel about them. It’s just a matter of facts. In the same way one might judge if they have enough phone battery to take one more picture, answer one more call, or play that final game. There’s no personal attack on the decision-making, it’s a mere assessment of how much is left within.

My friend, who reacts on emotions, identifying herself with how she feels about things, people, or concepts, felt offended by my statement as she included herself as part of the “people” I don’t like. Now, I am a pedantic semantics nerd. Words carry very specific meanings and nuances. I fully appreciate that we do not all share the same understanding of these. This is what makes conversations intriguing and helps us all to create a richer connection to one another as we build up common understandings–through conversation. So, I explained that “people” as a whole are what I do not like. A “person” or “persons” are the ones I have found with whom I can spend my time in a positive way so that I do not feel like the drain that occurs results in a deficit to my overall well-being. Yes, I realize we can talk in circles about what my distinctions are, but it is also important to grasp why I do not feel obligated to “stop saying that” as my friend commanded.

This same friend discussed how she desires to have genuineness in her life–in people, experiences, etc. I argued that my statement is the most genuine I can be. There are no hidden elements in it. 

If I couched it with “I don’t like most people.” or “I don’t like people as a whole.” The meaning shifts. In my opinion, the statement “I don’t like people.” should drive curiosity as to the why. The why is what is important and has the `meat` of the situation. Understanding why someone says something that hits a nerve or causes an emotional response is where communication thrives.

So, we conversed. 

Although I cannot be sure that there was clarity, I feel there was some acceptance. Perhaps she comforted herself with “I just wouldn’t say it that way.” Or, she found some way to create a story that made it okay for her to absorb it. I do not fully know. Nor, do I feel it my responsibility to soften the statement for her.

My fellow introvert tried to backtrack her agreement of my statement by couching it as I noted above. It felt like a cop-out, if I’m being honest. If one finds people exhausting, then one does not like people. Again, this doesn’t mean there aren’t persons or many-a-person who offer a slow-drain or even a neutral drain of energy. 

Most importantly, it is necessary to understand, there is no emotion attached. 

Here are the facts: People drain my energy. I do not want my energy drained–in most cases, at all. Therefore, I do not like people. (Now, we move towards emotions).

Emotions can explain or justify a lot of behaviors, decisions, reactions, and the like. If we are participating members in society, we cannot escape people. Plus, human beings are social entities requiring social interactions, relationships, and connections. I am still human. So, I do interact with people.

How I go about it is my secret sauce–which I will write about next time.

~T 🔥🐉♋️