Something I love to do wherever I spend any amount of time whether traveling or living is to pass a few hours in a local cafe to write and/or people-watch. I will write another post about the search for these kinds of places, which is actually harder than it might seem. 

In any case, as long as I can remember I have felt most comfortable in a space that is buzzing with activity, yet not requiring me to also participate fully in it. During a conversation this morning with my therapist, I realized that my observation and sensitivity to others’ energies and shades causes me to either become overwhelmed or drained if it is negative and I am caught in the vortex. Therefore, I prefer to be on the outskirts of the orbiting, intersecting streams of energies. 

However, the heat or power that is created from these sparks is what motivates me or surges me with my own activity–especially that which is in my head. The stories, the words, the images all float into a settled space where I can funnel them into a cohesive and coherent space on the page. 

On the bus, I used to do my homework during my early school years. Then, I would do my work in the middle of the quad or a cafe space where lots of people were moving about at university and graduate school. Whenever I was asked to work in a quiet library, I would end up falling asleep or feeling somehow uncomfortable with the dark and, to me, dead space.

Until very recently, my sense of just being odd was how I viewed this aspect of myself. Wondering if I was wrong or misreading a situation always played in the back of my consciousness. 

Now that I am entering my 5th decade in this soul cycle, I feel that I am truly coming into my own light, embracing the surge of my energy, and ready to confidently share, inspire, and pass the flame within myself on to others. Yet, I want to do this with humility, compassion, and kindness. 

There are many life coaches, motivational speakers, and the like out in the world. I hope that they are all making their own difference, no matter their age or niche. For me, I want to ensure that whatever I spread out into the world comes from a solid foundation. A place that is rooted in fertile soil and firm grounding. Today, I shared how my parents have always been serviced-oriented. My mom volunteers, my dad is a retired firefighter and veteran who also volunteers. Both of them have always done so as far as I am aware. Still, that was never my thing or aspiration, until recently. I cannot say that I want to follow in their footsteps in the traditional sense, but it feels right to be doing something more. 

So, now, I find myself in this strange position of wanting to finally provide a service of some kind to help others better themselves in whatever way they feel is best for them. Sometimes, that might even mean that it comes about by me stepping away or even being a little unkind on the surface. If it serves a greater purpose to cause someone to step in their light, then it is all good to me. 

It feels purposeful that all of the pieces of uncertainty, discomfort, alienation that I have felt or experienced in my life thus far are now starting to fall into their rightful places. The picture of meaning is coming into full focus and I feel excited by what is forming. 

Stay tuned for some updates on a few different activities that are coming in the fall, as well, about my writing progress and work as a book coach/therapist. 😀

~T 🔥🐉♋️