Continuing on the theme of introverted-ness since I continue to be surprised at the lack of understanding, I am back.

Society has somehow developed into a more advantageous design for extroverts. At some point, we began celebrating being party-ers, promoted keeping up with the Joneses mentality to have house-parties or ladies’ lunches and mom-groups. The high school mentality of being part of the “cool” group flowed out into adult life, and those who just want to go about their days in peace, quiet, and stillness were deemed “odd”, “quirky” or other labels with a negative slant. It has become nearly impossible to say no to an invitation out without some kind of consequence that is either words under the breath, being the brunt of a joke, or not being invited out again (or less frequently).

I self-identify as a serial canceller. The social pressure to want to be included and feel as if I am eager to be part of the group often gets the better of me, so I agree happily, even enthusiastically to future events. Yet, I know that when the time comes there is a high likelihood of me cancelling at the last minute. Often, I will claim a migraine. Sometimes, I even create one from the stress or anxiety of figuring out a way to get out of the activity. When I am more honest, I simply say that I am just too tired to attend.

The older I get, the less I agree to straight away. Also, the less I care about cancelling if it means I am able to take care of myself for future activities.

Remember how in my last post, I said I wasn’t completely sure if my extroverted friend got what we were trying to explain to her about how we, introverts, recharge? Well, I got my answer this week.

First, when I saw her, she play-acted about “toning herself down” upon our greeting. This showed she hadn’t actually understood anything. Instead, she had continued to make things personal, created a narrative that was about her, then expressed her misunderstanding in a way that was both disingenuous (as a passive-aggressive act) and intended to try to make me subtly feel bad. Neither of which I received well, despite the face that kindly told her to stop it.

Second, when she asked about going to do something that for her probably seems like a fun, relaxing outing, after I had explained that I had a very busy, social two weeks coming up, I sensed again she didn’t understand me. That was later confirmed when I directly said that I didn’t think I would be able to go with her and not to wait for me with her response saying that she thought us doing something would be a “better day of rest” for me.

Now, let me be clear. I know her heart is in all the right places. I do appreciate her wanting to share experiences and for us to spend time together. None of that is lost on me. When I am feeling full of energy and time, I absolutely feel the same. However, when I know I am going to be busy with visitors while also keeping up with my own life, “a better day of rest” for me is not spending more time with anyone–this is where she takes things personally and it has not sunk in.

So, let me explain how introverts recharging works for you extroverted readers out there.

From my observations, extroverts generally recharge like a portable battery pack. They plug into other people’s energies and as they go around interacting the personal battery refills. Sure, sometimes some personal time might be needed to get to 100%, but for the most part being on the go and socializing is how the energy restores–like a battery pack on the go.

In my own experience, recently concurred by others, an introvert recharges like a device being plugged into an outlet, staying in one place that feels safe and secure. When alone, it’s like using a fast charge wall plug. If we have to keep unplugging and moving around, the recharge is not as efficient nor as effective. So, it’s like plugging in your phone to the wall and leaving it alone for a period of time until the battery is back up to full.

Therefore, spending time with someone else–no matter who that person is–is absolutely not a better day of rest, I’m afraid.

This weekend was extremely full of socializing. No day was off to recharge fully. Yesterday, after about two hours of smiling, interacting, and still enjoying myself, I felt the switch. My battery went into severe power-saving mode. I had to go outside, find one-on-one space, or even no-one space much more frequently than usual. My senses were heightened to the noise, the smells and it was almost painful as the drain was happening at a rapid rate.

Our upcoming week is going to be full, so…I have calculated how much time I have to myself and when I can do my writing so that I can feel my best self whilst hosting, participating in daily life, etc. For some, it seems strange or dramatic. However, I imagine quite a few more than have admitted outloud will understand exactly what I am saying.

~T 🔥🐉♋️