If I haven’t said it before, or not made it clear previously, writing is like breathing for me. If I do not do it regularly, I feel as if something is seriously wrong with me. It is a similar sensation to when one holds their breath for too long. However, unlike with the breath which one automatically resumes when life feels threatened, it is easy to forget the importance of writing when life gets busy, off-schedule, and out of rhythm. Oftentimes, I begin to wonder why I feel anxious or as if I cannot express myself fully. 

In meditation practice this morning, I admittedly struggled to get settled. So, I sat with my gaze lowered and eyes open. It was in considering the question of whether or not I had a way to express myself that would be harmful to another’s energies, that I had a “duh” moment–I’m a writer, I write, I have always written! So, after virtually smacking my head, I felt such relief in re-realizing that I can indeed write when I need to process out loud or make social commentary that does not welcome simultaneous conversation. 

Recent discussions with M have resulted in me receiving negative feedback on my thinking out loud or processing others’ actions with a seemingly negative edge. Although I do not feel that what I am saying is intended to be a complaint or vent, I recognize that it might be taken as such.

Furthermore, a little dive into research (via Gemini), it was suggested that the receiver of this oral processing might not be able to hold it in the desired way due to their own mental or emotional state. Indeed, this makes sense. 

So, finding a way to express myself as I want in a way that will not add burden to others was on my mind. Then, as if the Universe was waiting to slap me upside the head, I was reminded that I write.

This also explained a feeling of angst or anxiousness that had been building up inside of me. Whenever we have guests, even if I find myself with “free time”, I do not generally settle into a writing mode. Yet, like holding one’s breath, I can only manage this for so long before I start to feel as if something is missing, being withheld, or even threatening my existence. 

Now that I have had my reminder, I feel such relief. There is a light that has returned to my head that I hadn’t completely recognized had dimmed.

Already, I can see how the light shining brighter within has brought more smiles in return from others. If there ever was doubt about the impact we have on people, even those we do not know, I feel this fully dispels the questioners. 

So, probably, I will be writing here more to process my social noticings and questioning of behaviors. Probably, I will be writing more in my journal to process my inner thoughts in a safe, welcoming and agreeable space. Probably, I will be happier overall with all of this! 😉 

~T 🔥🐉♋️