Lately, I have been contemplating my role, my purpose, my existence amongst the living. It’s a regular thing I do without an agenda – i.e. I am not suicidal, just contemplative.

A new life purpose statement came to me recently, which I hesitate to share as it is a personal element that once put out into the world can become a weapon to use when one falls short of achieving or personifying an aim. So, for now, I shall keep it to myself and those who have a personal conversation with me about such things.

Still, that has left me with ponderings upon whether or not I ever need to be a master of anything or is it OK to be a sort of ‘Jill of all trades’?

The end of January is already upon us and for the past four months, at least, I have been saying that I will have a full first draft of my novel manuscript done by the end of it. Yet, as I write this blog post, I find myself stuck and avoiding working on it even though there is no really good reason or worthy excuse for it. The voices in my head battle pointlessly for position on the seat of truth. Yet, I know intellectually that it is just what it is. I also know, for a fact, that I will eventually get a draft done and once it is done, I shall fly through edits and queries toward publishing.

So, why am I not doing it?

Let me continue to ponder.

While I generally do not have the typical form of negative self-talk, such as You’re/I’m not good enough, or Who wants to read your crap, anyway?, etc. I do question the fruitfulness of such activities. Therefore, I might occasionally dip into questioning What is the point I am aiming for? Or, to what end, am I expecting?

The truth is that I don’t actually know. I have never been money-driven beyond making a living and being financially free to live the life I want comfortably. Also, while I am human enough to acknowledge that I would love to have wide recognition for my writing and money coming in from my works, I also do not solely strive for it. If it happens, I will feel honored, blessed, and excited. If it doesn’t, I will feel like I have done what my heart and soul have called me to do. The truth is that I really believe that if I touch one person with my writing, then I will feel happy with what I have done.

Still, there is a desire to do more. I am not a person who can be content with achieving a goal and then calling it good.

Therefore, I have a lot of hobbies, a ton of creative outlets, a plethora of interests. In so doing, I spend time on pottery, crocheting, traveling, exercising, meditating, socializing, reading, and more each day. The idea of devoting all of my time and attention on one thing – writing 24/7 – is not a realistic aspiration. Yet, this is also why my manuscript is not finished.

At this very moment, I am sitting outside at a hotel, wondering why I am not just laying out in the sun with a book doing nothing else but getting in my vitamin D, especially as I have been craving sunshine and warmth for over a month. It is a sense that I should be writing that keeps me sitting here, typing away, but writing a blog post not my novel.

Truth be told, though, I usually write or blog before I get stuck into my novel writing. So, if I am being kind to myself, I would acknowledge that this is part of the process and, in fact, given enough time and trust in the process, I will most likely find myself writing sooner than I realize. Even as I typed that sentence, I can feel a shift happening with the muses in my head…the characters are starting to fight for presence now and I feel I must be quick to let them have their time in the spotlight.

So, with that, I am content to be a sort of ‘Jill of All (or many) Trades, Master of None’. Mastery suggests a finality to an art form or activity and dare I say, that sounds like death….

~T 🔥🐉♋️