Apr 122023
 

We love to host a party. With M’s sisters and nephew visiting over the Easter holiday, what more reason did we need to gather 25 more of our friends over for food, drink, and merriment?

Despite not being able to do much, I managed to create table decor and with the help of my SIL, we got the large table indoors and set, plus M had help in the kitchen. Everyone brought a dish to go with the main lamb plate and no one left hungry. Also, a few of our friends have their own wines, so there were drinks-a-plenty to go around. Thanks to a few photographers in the mix, we were able to get a bunch of lovely pictures as well.

It is always fun to see how people will mix and mingle, but with this lot there was no problem at all. It was a wonderful spring celebration where even the weather cleared a bit to enjoy an outdoor fire and laughs.

Happy Easter! ๐Ÿฃ

~T ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ‰โ™‹๏ธ

Apr 262022
 

Some days I feel as if the struggle is more real than others. Some days there is no real struggle at all, in fact. However, when climbing up out of a depressive cycle, the struggles can feel like mountains.

On the outside, I think I am fairly well put-together. Even from my partner, I try to hide the tears that occasionally threaten to ooze out of the sides of my eyes (though he usually sees them). On the inside, though, well, it’s a different story.

Despite being a fairly extreme introvert, who can go over a week without noticing that I haven’t left our gates, I know that I need human connection. It’s not simply a matter of interacting with others, but it is feeling seen, heard, and actively responded to by another soul that I crave. Other than M, who does a reasonable job most of the time, I do not have regular meaningful connections with others. My chats with good friends are generally limited to video calls or messages, but that doesn’t quite fill the cup.

So, while I felt my childish inclinations at the surface this past weekend before going out for a social night, I forced myself to make an effort (M really gave me no choice!).

With the help of Jose Cuervo and knowing I had at least one or two backup support in others I knew attending, I “think” I made a new friend with whom I can meet regularly for a coffee and chit-chat. She has her own friends as well in the area, so maybe through some introductions I can get myself out there even more! ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿฝ

In any case, pandemic life and my own social awkwardness may be heightened these days, but it is time for me to keep my eyes on the sun and keep making the effort to get out there!

Wish me luck!

~T ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ‰โ™‹๏ธ

Oct 212021
 

Friendships come and go, this is a fact of life. As an expat, this is even more of a reality than perhaps for those who stay near their hometowns.ย 

Throughout my life, I have worked hard to maintain friendships so that the coming and going is minimized as much as possible since issues of abandonment, and the like, heavily way on my psyche.

Still, Iโ€™m an introvert. 

I like my own company, and I live in my head most of the time. Rarely do I ever feel lonely, and so independence is something that I do well and with pleasure. 

This doesnโ€™t mean that I donโ€™t have friends nor that I donโ€™t need socialization. It just means that I am generally careful in discerning with whom I find worth spending my time. Therefore, when someone with chaotic energy and darker shadows enters my life, I am usually hesitant and wary to get too close.

However, when we moved to France, which was originally meant to be our โ€œforeverโ€ area, I set my mind to being sociable and making a real effort to find some friends. After three years in Japan with my BFF and second BFF, I knew that I needed to have some lovely and strong ladies in my circle.

So, I did just that. 

However, there has to always be one, doesnโ€™t there? 

On the first day of meeting some people in the area, I met four lovely ladies and later a few more. Of those original four, I am very good friends with three. Until a few days ago, I would have said this was true for all four, but somehow that one decided she needed to cut both me and M out of her life completely, which has resulted in some group drama, and sadly for her, no friends left.

While, ultimately, I am not hurt, or even surprised, about her decision, I am rather disappointed. 

Without going into details or sharing personal information about her or us, I will say that what has come out of it is a realization that when my gut tells me to avoid someone or something, I need to have no doubts or mental negotiations. In the end, my gut will prove to be correct and so much time, energy, and space will have been expended without a positive result for me and mine.

This is not 100% accurate, to be honest, the positive is that we no longer need to create space for someone who is every adjectival version of โ€œselfishโ€ or invest in trying to โ€œhelpโ€ one who does not truly want help. 

With that, this post is my closure on her and that fleeting friendship, as I had been calling it. I do not wish ill, and hope that one day she will truly become a better human being.

~T 

Jan 232019
 

Sometimes I wish that I had more of a business mind to take my interests and turn them into something that makes money. Or, that at least I had known it was an option earlier in my life. I know it’s never too late and I do have some ideas brewing that could generate income, but for the moment, just read on as I half lament and half feel inspired. ๐Ÿ˜›

In my early adulthood, I remember saying that I wish I could get paid to organize people’s homes because I love it.

Then, some 20 years later, Marie Kondo hit the bestseller list and now has her own TV show. I suppose it’s timing and circumstances, plus more ambition for such things than I have/had.

Instead, I’ve read her book and devoured her show on Netflix as I share her excitement in seeing a mess turn into organized bliss. Plus, the changes that occur in a person through the process is worth even more. Perhaps, this is actually the real draw to my love of organizing and positive change. Besides, there are always the extreme hoarders that I definitely would not want to have to try to organize and would make me doubt a full-time effort in such an area. (See, there’s always another perspective! ๐Ÿ˜› )

Anyway, along the vein of tidying up, we have been working on our own house in terms of our physical belongings. As I posted a couple months back, I threw away bags and bags of papers that I had taken all over the world (literally) with me. On top of that, during the recent winter break, we went through clothes and closets getting rid of more unnecessary things in our home. It’s still an ongoing process that requires baby steps, but it’s a refreshing activity when more space is created allowing an air of lightness and joy to replace it.

The new year’s period in Japan is a time spent cleaning the house to make more space for what the coming year has to bring. The act of cleaning has a spiritual element as well, which I can appreciate. There is something about the cold breeze and bright sun that allows a refreshing air to enter the home (briefly before we turn on the heat!) as a way of starting the new year cleansed.

Something we don’t often talk about, though, is tidying up our relationships or the energies that we both give off and receive.

However, this is also necessary from time to time.

Therefore, I am somewhat tidying up my relationships with others. While I want to remain compassionate and understanding of others’ perspectives and where they are in their lives, due to my sensitivity to others’ energies, I have committed myself to no longer enabling the dark clouds to enter my light space.

Through tidying up my mind in daily meditation and releasing my thoughts regularly in my journal (combination bullet and daily diary as well) as well as posting more here, I find that I am better able to maintain my own joy and focus. Although we do not live in isolation, nor is it healthy despite my wistfulness for such a life, we can take control and responsibility for how we let others affect us.

Since I know that when someone writes or shares a “woe-is-me” kind of story it affects my mood, I have determined not to promote it by giving positive reinforcement towards the comments. Or, if someone moans and groans about something in the office or their lives, I will not indulge the pity party that is often desired.

Now, this is a delicate balance because I, by no means, wish to be insensitive to the fact that sometimes we just need to release our thoughts and feelings to those whom we trust and are close enough to. It’s an honor to be such a person for someone. However, if I provide a positive response to encourage that person to see the situation in a different light and s/he doesn’t want to or isn’t ready to shift their perspective, then there is not much I can do. Also, I’m not responsible for their shift, unless I’m in a ‘life coach’ role (in which case I’m paid or expected to fulfill that role). Therefore, in order to walk in the light, as Olivia Pope in Scandal often says, I have to rise above just being a ‘listening ear’ and ‘shoulder to cry on’ if it threatens to bring me down as well.

There is a lot of angst in the world and we all have our phases or days in life that are less than shiny. I’m not immune either. However, we have choices. We can choose how we respond to others. We can choose how much we let affect us. We can choose how much time we spend with people. We can choose the actions, words, and steps that we take in our lives. We can’t control the results that come from it, but with each choice, we must know that there will be a consequence of some kind.

So, in some cases, my choices in tidying up may have negative results – it’s happened before – or they may have positive ones. Either way, I’m content if it helps me to fulfill my goals and purpose in life to inspire others to walk into the light and shine with their best foot forward. ๐Ÿ˜€

While I may not be ‘tidying up’ just physical spaces (neither is the KonMari method), I am enjoying a lighter space in my mind and heart. So, beware if you’re a person in my life who’s not quite in the same place with all this as I am. I don’t love you less nor do I judge you more. I accept you are where you are. I offer my love always. However, you may see or hear a bit less from me.

**Disclaimer – please understand that never on any circumstances would I ever turn someone away or not make time for someone if they really need my help. Those who know me, know, my love and loyalty is deep and forever.**

But, for the superficial levels, you’re on your own! ๐Ÿ˜›

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

Jun 202016
 

Today’s world allows us to be “connected” at all times. Yet, what is it that we are connected to?

We have the ability to message friends and loved ones around the world 24/7 and yet communication is still difficult for many of us.

To me, it does not matter how much technology we have or instant methods of communicating, if we do not actually communicate none of it really matters.

It seems that despite all our ways to ‘connect’ with one another, people are so over-saturated that when true, deep and meaningful connections are attempted to be made through open communication, it is received with so much more impact than when we merely had telephones and letters.

I recently lost a friendship because I was too honest and too open. Of course, I have already written about the form of communication not being desired; thus, exacerbating the problem. However, the truth is that being open about how I felt was what was really not desired. People no longer want to hear truths if they are negative. We only want to hear the happy stories, the feel-good stories, the ones that always have a “happily ever after” ending.

Because there is so much negativity in our virtual lives, we do not know how to handle it in our real lives. We no longer possess the skills to communicate openly with one another so that problems can be worked through and growth can be allowed on both sides. It has somehow become too scary or too overwhelming to be allowed to express ourselves in any form other than “see how amazing my life is” or “look at how happy I am”.

If we were all actually so amazing and happy, then why do we fight and often feel alone in the world? Perhaps it is time to disconnect a bit more often and learn how to openly communicate to those who are actually around us in our lives….

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

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