Sep 192017
 

Well, the month has passed by rather quickly.

I have found a makeshift sense of routine thanks to the world of cafes and my BFF. Without wifi at home I have to make do with wherever I can find free options. 😉

After spending a number of days sleeping and allowing my brain some peace, I have returned to the ‘adult’ world of getting up at reasonable hours and focusing more on work. The balance is that I still have freedom to watch my TV shows while working and relax in working online rather than having to commute into town. 😀

So, now that I have worked out how to ‘work’ I can now add in my writing time again. We shall see how we progress!

~T 😀

 Posted by at 08:17
Aug 182017
 

Most of my days involve a visit to a café of some sort – and when I say of some sort, I generally mean Starbucks… 🤣

Life in Tokyo is spent mostly out of the house. There are a few reasons for this. The top being the size of ‘home’ and the distance of ‘home’ from where one works or is playing.

At the moment, we fall into the former of these two options because the latter is not true as we are styaing in an amazing location making it quite convenient for both work and play. Hopefully, by early next month this will be reversed – though it will still be convenient; just a bit less so.

So, although my Cancerian introverted nature sometimes keeps me indoors to enjoy the comfort of ‘home’, most of the time I need to get out to breathe fresh air and stretch my legs.

Granted, my closest coffee shop is not that far from ‘home’ and I frequent it regularly. Still, I have so many options in the area that I can mix it up should I be feeling adventurous in the day!

Perhaps because my formative adult years were spent here in Japan, I have such a love of the café way of life. I can work much easier, focus more and relax comfortably in any one of the places here – Starbucks or not. Perhaps this is because almost everyone else around me is doing the same. Business men stop in for a quick break from work and read a few pages of a novel while they enjoy their cup of coffee. Young people are here studying or even possibly working. Ladies come in for a chat or also a break from shopping, work, or life in general. It’s a happy place for all!

Even when I have my headphones to block out other sounds, I still find myself better able to focus and let my mind flow in this kind of environment. It’s lovely.

Soon, I will be working full-time and missing this kind of lifestyle – though I’m sure I’ll still make regular stops breaking up the day or waiting between classes. Still, in the meantime, I am enjoying this to the fullest!

~T 😀

 Posted by at 10:28
Aug 112017
 

We move in circles
-Around the sun
-Around each other
-Around ourselves

We walk in winding paths
-Towards our fate
-Towards that pot of gold
-Towards the grave

We rush through life
-searching for success
-searching for love
-searching for ourselves

We talk
-in circles
-in winding paths
-in a rushing of life

Yet we end up where we started, lost on our paths, talking about nothing as life rushes us by.

What have we found?
What have we missed?
What have we achieved?

~T
August 10, 2017

 Posted by at 04:35
Aug 102017
 

Well, sadly Pippi and Mia are no longer our babies. We hope that they have already found or will soon find a loving family to take care of them and give them a chance to share their love.

While we really truly wanted to take the fur balls with us wherever we planned to go, Japan was the one complicated place. Upon doing some research, I found that they would have to be in quarantine for nearly six months which we would have to pay for. Then, even if we managed to do that, it would be a challenge to find a place that would be willing to rent to us as foreigners plus with cats….😿😿

So, with stoicism we handed them over in Abu Dhabi wishing them lots of love and happiness.😽😽

I will miss their warmth, craziness and love as they really kept me company in the difficult months and while working at home the past year especially. 😻😻

This is the reality of a transient life…. We have agreed the only pet we will accept while here are fish…. Once we decide to retire and have a regular home, then we will get new pets again.

Until then….😿😿

~T 😀

 Posted by at 09:04
Aug 092017
 

A new sense of normal is finding its way back to my life.

I am walking outside again. I am listening to music again. I am writing again. I am smiling more. I am finding happy places. I am hopeful and excited again.

How long has it been since I felt this way? What was missing? Or rather, what was holding me back?

There is still a cloud that hangs over me. This morning I still struggled to get out of bed so I allowed myself to go slowly and sleep a bit more without guilt or worry. After all, I do not have a schedule to be on nor do I have to worry about work yet. Therefore, I can give myself this time to let life energy fill me again. These pieces of who I am are starting to return to me again.

Although when I lived in Japan before there was much that bothered me or that I did not appreciate, it was also filled with memories of a past way of life. Upon returning, I am starting to feel it is a bit more like "home" than my actual home. The past memories are there, but faded into the background of another chapter in my life.

In the same way, the UAE chapter is starting to fade.

The oppression, the worry about what I wear, the worry of being on-guard all the time, the stress of life there took a toll especially in the end. While I do have a lot of fond memories of my life there and will miss my friends dearly, it is a relief of an unbelievable amount to be away from it. It is no coincidence that my neck and shoulders are in pain. Aside from my stubbornness in realizing that I am not young anymore and should not try to carry an elephant's weight of things, it is also the beginning of the release of stress that I have been carrying around and starting to loosen up.

So, as I slowly let me return, I am taking my baby steps in recognizing there may be some grey days still, but it's all part of the process that leads to full healing.

~T 😀

 Posted by at 08:03
Aug 082017
 

Well, it has now been five days since being back to Tokyo and it is start to sink in. Having visited the office of my new/old company made it feel a little more real. 😀

Luckily, I have been walking a lot lately to fend off the lack of healthy eating for the past couple of months. Even since returning, I have been enjoying the cuisine of all that Japan has to offer. 😉

Also, even though the humidity is absolutely deadly to me, I have been making myself walk to explore the city especially since we are so close to the downtown area. Yesterday I did about 6km walking around the area where M's office is. He's got a nice area near Shiba Park. This is a pic from the other side of the park from his office.

Today I got in about 5km so far walking from the new office toward 'home' checking out some shops and the area. Everything is very walkable despite the sweat that pours after about ten minutes outside. There is a nice breeze though today from the aftermath of Typhoon #5, so it is fairly pleasant and I am accepting the stickiness that occurs. Besides, if I walk between places, then I can afford all the coffee stops I make throughout the day to get work done and escape from the 40m3 1R/K place we are staying in temporarily. 😛

Still, we have agreed to make the most of our time here by ensuring that we go out exploring, travel and really enjoy our new life. We left behind a lot of negative experiences leaving us ready to build a happy life together here. So far I am enjoying it. Since I cannot work until my visa comes through I have plans to explore, drink coffee and hang out. My BFF and godson will be back soon as well, then the real fun begins!!! <3

~T 😀

Aug 072017
 

The healing process begins. Thank goodness for the capacity of the brain to forget rather easily.

We have been in Tokyo for four days and already it feels almost as if life in Abu Dhabi was a blur…. Perhaps it really was – at least the past couple of years. My life definitely has changed drastically in the past three years since meeting M and joining our fates together. 😛

Each morning and throughout the day, we remind each other "We are in Tokyo! Isn't it wonderful?!"

I enjoyed my time in Abu Dhabi. I met some good friends. I traveled a lot. I had a lot of great laughs, celebrations and hold memories dear to me. Those whom are meant to be in my life will keep in touch always. At the same time, the time to close that chapter of my life was just waiting for me to take the leap. While we thought that we were going to end up somewhere else many times, it is fitting and ideal that we returned to Japan where my BFF and strongest support system lives.

BFF and I have been saying for a while that we needed to be in the same place together again. It is true. I need a safe place to reset my sanity. M needs a place where I am supported and comfortable to allow him to reset himself as well. This is it!

We are both excited for what our next chapter together is promising to give us. So far we are off to a wonderful start. As time progresses, I will begin to write about our experiences of late as I can sit back and breathe a sigh of relief that we are out of reach of the insanity that we faced. I hope that someday soon we will both look back and just laugh at the whole thing. For now, we have a sense of relief and anticipation for an even better tomorrow!

~T 😀

Aug 022017
 

Spirituality, religion, faith, belief, and the like have been swirling in my mind lately. I have kept up with my daily Bible reading as planned for the year and it has given me new insight even though I have read it quite a few times before.

Some time ago, M and I were talking about life. Perhaps I even wrote about it, but I cannot find a post…. In any case, it was one of our more serious and deeper discussions about our thoughts on life and living.

For me, I have never truly been in love with living.

At 14, I wanted to commit suicide. I collected all the pill bottles in our house and dumped them out in piles wondering how many it would take to do the job and if it would work in the time that my parents were gone. There were no tears nor hysteria at the time, but simple calculations. In the end, I considered how my parents would react coming home and finding me dead or perhaps not quite dead and then the potential drama that would ensue. It was only then that the tears flooded out as I slowly put all the pills back into their bottles and returned to their original locations.

Over the years I contemplated again and again running away to die like cats do when they know it is their time to go. Always I returned to the thought of how others would react and feel. My sense of responsibility to them prevented me from taking action.

Somewhere in my early 20’s I was convinced that I would only live to the age of 28. I was married at 22, miserable by 24 and contemplating the rest of my life at 25. In a way, the person that I was did die at 28. I neared the end of my patience with my marriage, began to blossom into who I truly am and started the process towards independence, confidence and life. While I continued aging, the person that I was back then no longer exists.

Now, I rarely consider ending my life. Do not get me wrong, I still welcome my death whenever it should happen and do on occasion ponder those moments. At times, I morbidly begin to write my good-bye letters. However, I have come to accept that I am going to live until I have fulfilled my purpose in life – whatever that may be.

I live for my husband. I live for my family. I live for my friends. I do live.

As I read Romans 12 the other day, this passage stood out to me:

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[a]faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

So, when those moments do arise when I wonder why I am still breathing, I try to remember that it is not for me to decide whether or not I should live, but rather I need to consider if I am living according to my gifts. While I may not feel as if I am doing much, this passage reminds me that we are all part of one body and each small member helps to keep the body functioning. Until I am no longer needed for it, then I go on…(cue Celine Dion!). 😛

~T 😀

 Posted by at 09:02
Aug 012017
 

Although I am still going to refrain from sharing details for just a few more days, I can with some controlled joy express that everything is falling into place.

More details to come….

~T 😀

 Posted by at 10:45
Jul 302017
 

When you watch the Oscars, have you ever sort of felt sorry for the supporting actors/actresses? Maybe not because they are still being recognized with an award…. Still, they may have just been the main reason why the winners of Best Actor/Actress win.

Lately, I have felt a bit like this through our crisis situation. Whenever M talks about it, he speaks as if he was the only one going through the situation. I appreciate that his experience was his own and it was tough. However, he was not alone through it all and I was also extremely stressed and am still traumatized by the entire situation. Now that he is dealing with more things on his own – because he can now – it is as if he thinks I do not understand the stress of it. It feels as if he has forgotten that I experienced it first throughout this whole ordeal because he could not at that time.

It is not a competition on who has experienced more or worse – not by any means.

However, it is sometimes a very meaningful gesture to be recognized for the role that I did play when it was needed.

It is still a tense period for us. Although things are falling into place, patience is required beyond our known capacity for it. Each day is a game of waiting while trying to stay productive and busy. Thank goodness for my online work to allow me to feel as if I am being useful.

Anyway, more to come…

~T 😀

 Posted by at 11:53